They'll Be OK #2

Last month I had another "They'll Be OK" moment.  What is that, you ask.  Well, first it's the title of an earlier post by YC.  Every once in a while she would tell me that our girls will be okay - because we are raising them to be good girls.  And that's what important isn't it?  Parents will always want their kids to be hard-working, smart, athletic, pretty, artistic, musically inclined, etc.  Wouldn't it be nice if they were good at everything?  But that's not possible.  And if I had to choose one quality above all, it would be that they are good people.

The phrase "They'll Be OK" is something YC would say to me when she thought about our daughters' futures.  Sometimes when I would play something with the girls or watch a movie with them, if YC was resting upstairs, she would hear us laughing and having a good time.  Then when I went to see her, she would say, "I love it when the girls have a fun time with you.  That tells me they'll be okay.  They'll be okay when I'm gone."  Yes, we had grim conversations like that quite often.  But I think YC was comforted and content in feeling that our girls will be okay.

So last month was M1's birthday - her sweet 16.  M2 and M3 wanted to do something special for their big sister.  They made her a gift basket with 16 gifts.  Some were hand crafted and some were purchased.  I did not have a lot of input other than help in purchasing because I didn't want them going out too much with the COVID situation.  The basket was decorated nicely by M3.  Perhaps the one gift that was most touching was that they asked all their grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and M1's closest friends to say a few birthday wishes in a video and they streamed them all together.  This was particularly difficult for M2 because she is very shy and doesn't like to ask people to do things like this.  But she stepped out of her comfort zone for her sister.  She talked to M1's friends at dance without M1 knowing.  She had to request to follow some of M1's friends on some social media platforms (I may not be describing this correctly as I don't participate in many social media activities) so that she could ask them to make the video.  M2 kept telling me how awkward she felt talking to these people.  But she still managed to do it.

When M1 received the gifts, she was really happy.  It made her day.  It made my day too because I saw how much effort M2 and M3 put in to make M1 happy.  One other thing that makes this impressive is that M2's and M3's birthdays passed in the summer and M1 didn't make a big deal out of their birthdays.  M1 is a bit lazy that way.  She didn't even get M3 a present.  She just promised to spend the whole day playing with her.  But when M3's birthday came, M1 was not feeling well and they did not play.  When I pointed this out, M1 said, "But I'm always a good sister.  It doesn't have to be on a birthday."  And this is true.  She is a good sister; she takes care of M2 and M3 and tries to ensure they are happy.  Logically, why would M2 and M3 be so excited about M1's birthday and her happiness if M1 was not a good sister?

So that day when I witnessed how my three girls care about each other, I said to YC, "They'll be OK."

Big Oh

Graduation #2

This past Wednesday was M2's Grade 8 graduation ceremony.  I was very happy and proud.  But as I am finding these days, moments like this are immediately followed by sadness and empty feelings.  Two years ago, M1 had her Grade 8 graduation and my beautiful wife wrote a blog, titled "Graduation #1."  She didn't describe the events of the ceremony.  She was just happy and relieved to have been able to be there.  She asked me how many graduations she would make it to.  I wished she would make it to all of them.

M2's ceremony was supposed to be in June but because we were in lockdown, the school wanted to wait until September to see if there was a chance to do this in person.  So do we buy a dress or not?  Well, M2 was selected to be valedictorian (just like M1), so I felt we should buy a dress.  Some of YC's lady friends took M2 shopping for a dress.  This was difficult for her because she wanted to do this with Mommy.  Although M2 was very grateful for her aunties helping her, she was sad.  I was sad too because I couldn't do more to help her.  I told her, "You see Daddy's clothes, right?  There's no way I can help you find a decent dress."  But after she got a dress, she was very happy because she looked good in it.  She wore it around the house for several days.

Well, September came and went and it was decided that the graduation ceremony would be done virtually in November.  M2 was to send in a video of herself giving the valedictorian speech.  She put on her dress for that and she said it was nice because it's not as nerve-wracking when it's not in front of an audience.  And if she messes up, she can start over.  She did an amazing job - spoke confidently and clearly.

On November 18, we were all excited to watch the ceremony.  But there were technical difficulties and it was postponed to December 2.  (I can't understand why it took two weeks to fix some pre-recorded video - I assume they had the video ready on November 18.)  So this past Wednesday, the link came out at 9:30 AM.  The girls were doing on-line schooling and I was in a meeting.  M2 wanted to watch but I asked her to wait until 10:00 when my meeting would be over.  So we all gathered to watch at 10:00, except for M3 who was writing a Math test and couldn't join us until 10:30.

Overall I thought it was a nice video.  There were lots of pictures and video clips of the students throughout their 10 years at this school.  I had a lot of emotions - happy, excited, proud, sad.  For occasions like this we always put YC's picture with us so we can watch together.  But as always, I think to myself, "I wish you were beside me so we can see this together."

Big Oh

Elephants in the Room

 

We never addressed the elephants in the room – neither YC nor I.  So I should just come out and say it now.  YC was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer back in January 2014 – elephant #1.  After a long and heroic battle, she passed away in March 2020 – elephant #2.

My wife loved to write.  She wrote when she was happy, she wrote when she was sad, and she wrote when she was bored.  She started this blog to help her deal with her diagnosis – to give her an outlet to express her feelings.  She wrote because it was therapeutic for her.  But she never once mentioned the c word.  She alluded to her being sick but she never used that word.  She told me she didn’t want to because she didn’t want to give the disease more energy, more control over her.  I never mentioned it either.  Even to this day, I have trouble hearing the word.

YC wrote about many things in this blog during her battle – our family, significant events, family trips and outings, restaurant reviews, books she was reading, movies/TV shows, and sometimes just random thoughts.  There were also some entries written by my daughters and by me.  After she left us, I re-read all her blogs.  Then I thought, “What do I do with this blog?”  Do we continue it?  What should I write about?

YC set up a comments section because several friends and family members would email her about blogs she had written.  She thought the comments section would be more convenient.  But no one left comments.  If there are any readers out there that still read this blog, perhaps you can leave me a comment to let me know what you would like to happen to this blog?  Do you want my daughters and me to continue blogging here?  If so, what do you want to read about?  Our lives?  How we’re dealing with COVID-19?  Movies and TV shows we’ve picked up?  School?  Family and friends?

I see there are views of this blog in France, Poland, and the Ukraine.  We don’t know anyone in those countries, so perhaps there is a readership following of this blog outside of our family and friends.  Leave a comment and let us know how you got interested in my wife’s blogging.

Big Oh

Encore Performance

Today (June 5^th, 2020) is the 21^st wedding anniversary for YC and me.  Needless to say, I’ve been thinking about her a lot the past few months.  And the thoughts run the entire spectrum from happy to sad.  I would like to share one of the happier ones today.

Back in 2000, we attended a Leslie Cheung concert.  He is YC’s favourite singer.  It was his last concert – the one where he came out and embraced his homosexuality.  For this reason, it was a really fun concert.  He was being himself and he was just singing for the pure joy of it – one last time with his fans.  You could tell he was having a good time and not necessarily doing a “job”.

We had pretty good seats – they were on the ground level and probably the second tier.  That allowed us to get to the mini-dance floor in front of the stage.  And that’s what we did during the encore.  Leslie called for everyone to get up and dance during his H2O medley.  Since he did this concert in Hong Kong, we already had the bootleg CD and knew that he was going to do this.  The songs in the medley were from Leslie’s earlier albums so hearing those songs was a great blast from the past.  They’re also fast, upbeat songs.  And the thing about fast Leslie Cheung songs is that you can’t help but get up and dance.  I know this is strange coming from someone like me who has no sense of rhythm.  But if his songs can have that effect on me, imagine what they can do for those who are musically inclined.

Anyway, when Leslie started his H2O medley, YC grabbed my hand and we raced to the dance floor in front of the stage.  It was extremely crowded but we didn't care.  We were all being wild and crazy fans, dancing and screaming in ecstasy.  The atmosphere and energy were amazing, unreal, awesome.  As each song morphed into the next – H2O, 少女心事 (Young Girl’s Thoughts), 第一次 (The First Time), 不羈的風 (Unruly Wind), we all cheered the new arrival.  (Think like a fan of Friends going to see a Jennifer Aniston press conference and then have the rest of the Friends cast show up, one by one.)

For those 7+ minutes, YC and I danced without a care in the world, just enjoying the moment.  This night created such a wonderful memory for us and we often reminisced about how great “The Encore” was.  So my love, if you are reading this, I know you will be smiling with me.  Happy Anniversary.

Big Oh

No More Top Ten

I’m not doing a Top Ten list this year.   We all know the top spots are always going to be taken by my three beautiful girls and The Big Oh.  And of course they are followed by my family and friends.   Some things won’t ever change.  But I do have two great memories from this year...

- taking my girls to NYC during March Break, watching HAMILTON & ALADDIN on Broadway, and M3’s special time with The Big Oh at The American Girl Store where she got her first American Girl doll.

- the very fancy family wedding in Orlando Florida this summer, where my girls got to meet & hang out with my side of the family (which they hardly ever do)

This holiday season has been bittersweet.   I got to do what I wanted most, which was to spend a lot of time with The Big Oh & my girls.  But there were/are still many dinners, lunches, and parties that I wished I could’ve attended.   There are still so many family & friends I wish I had the time & energy to spend some more quality time with.

Wishing everyone a happy & healthy 2020!