If Time Could Stand Still....

Content.  Happiness.  Bliss.  Blessed.

I don't know if these words do justice to describe how I'm feeling right now.

I was nervous before I came.  I was worried about how I would feel physically - a little part of of me was always afraid that I'd have to cancel because something would 'come up'.  Now that I'm here I feel wonderful.  My heart feels so full - in an amazing way.  And I haven't felt any odd aches & pains since I got here.  I don't know if it's only psychological - but I'll take any good feelings that come my way.

I'm watching 4 amazing women right now - making dinner, talking, laughing, enjoying each other's company. We will be doing a lot of this over the next 3 days.  It's making me smile.

I'm not thinking about tomorrow.  I'm not thinking about time.  I am thinking about now and I am thinking that this time is for me.  Thank you friends for sharing this experience with me.

My In-Laws

I live in a multi-generational home - my parent-in-laws and I live together so we are one big happy family of 7!

I think I am in the minority in that I get along with my parent-in-laws quite well.  If I didn't, I don't think we would've lasted the 13 years we've had.  In fact, I pride myself in that I have a very healthy relationship with my husband's siblings too.  And it isn't because I'M Miss Congeniality.  It is because my husband's family is truly the most loving, caring, respectful, honest, and generous people around.

I am thinking about my parents-in-law because we went out for groceries & lunch yesterday.  We do this often since I stopped working full-time.  I had to stop working because I got sick.  Really sick.  I really believe I am here today because of all the help my family and my husband's family have given me over the last 2 1/2 years.  And because I live with my in-laws they have had to burden more than they should have. They cooked for us, kept our home spotless inside & out, and even driven me to doctors appointments when I couldn't drive myself.  But I am most grateful to them for just being here for my children, for being their rock, their constant, when my daughters' world was turned upside down when I was most sick.  When I needed to focus my energy on healing myself & getting better I knew I didn't have the distraction of worrying about my children because I knew they are so loved & well cared for.

I know how lucky I am & am grateful everyday for having these amazing people in my life.

Y.C.

Happy Birthday D & A

Today I am thinking about my brother - Cow Fu.  Cow Fu is uncle in Chinese and that's what my girls call him.

I'm sure my girls will attest that he's a pretty cool uncle.  Even when my girls were tiny babies he would hold them and cradle them as if it was second nature (not even having children of his own at the time).  As my kids grew up, he was always there with shopping trips to buy birthday presents, fun outings to the Science Centre, or just coming to hang out with them for a few hours.  Then he and his wife went to Australia for 4 years but when they returned it was as if Cow Fu never left.  My children are so lucky to have him in their lives.

Last year he became a father of twins and I'm sure he will be a cool dad as well.   This past year I am blessed to have witnessed a side of him that is emerging.  That of "a dad" - a role he eased into, but is learning on the go none-the-less.

He is a dad that wipes down highchairs in restaurants.  A dad that worries when he hears a little cough or sneeze from his babies.  A dad that has to not only pacify his babies needs, but the needs of both sets of grandparents too.  A dad that is so proud with his children's first steps and first words.  A dad that changes dirty diapers and cleans baby vomit without so much as a wince.  A dad that has a sense of humour.  Cow Fu: Your children are very lucky to have you as a father & Cow Mo as a mom. 

I am so happy I am here to see all this.  I am so proud of the man, the dad, my brother has become.
Today my niece & nephew turn 1 - Happy Birthday D & A!

Y.C.

My Grandpa's Chickens

On Sunday me and my family went to see my grandpa's chickens at the farm.
I fed the chickens.  I was not brave enough to go near them so I was carried by my dad.
My sister went into the chicken coop to pick up the eggs but I was too scared to go.  And my other sister was squeezing my dad's arm and yelling because she was afraid too.  M2 was the only brave one there.

The farm was in Kitchener.  Afterwards we went to see my cousins at their University.  In University you live in a condo.  After visiting my cousins we went to dinner with them.  The restaurant's name is Cameron Chinese Restaurant.  We had Sweet & Sour Pork, Chow Mein, Chicken, Beef, Vegetables & Rice.  I had fun and it was great!

M3

Magical Childhood

I read a blog recently titled I'm Done Making My Kid's Childhood Magical.  This mom argues that some parents are excessive in trying to plan too much activities, the most elaborate birthday parties, and expensive vacations in the name of creating magical memories when in fact children do not necessarily need these things for their childhood to be 'magical'.

This made me think about what I am doing to make my kids' childhood magical, and more importantly, do my kids feel their childhood is magical?

We don't have big birthday parties at fancy venues.  Each of my children have had one birthday party at a children's venue.  All other birthdays have been celebrated at home, or at a favorite restaurant with just the family, occasionally their cousins, and for my 12 year old in last couple of years, a few of her closest friends were invited along.

We don't go on expensive vacations every year.  This year was the first time my 6 year old has been on an airplane.   We tend to go on family road trips within a few hours driving distance.

I don't go out of my way to plan 'activities' or crafts or 'special outings' with my kids.  Sure, we'll catch a movie a few times a year (but it's not a weekly or even monthly event).  We've gone to see live theatre plays/musicals, but only when I feel the production is relevant or interesting to them.  As for planning games, crafts,  & activities at home for them?  Well, I do keep an abundance of art supplies, have an enormous amount of Lego, and keep our bookshelves well stocked with books, games, & puzzles.

My children do not have themed bedrooms, designer clothes, or the latest gadgets.  We have a family iPad to share, M2 & M3 wears hand-me-downs from M1, and even she'll wear clothes her older cousins have passed down to her.  Oh, and the 3 of them still share a bedroom - and it's not because they have to, but because they want to.

So what do we do with our children?

We read with our children.   I'll read to my 6 year old (every night, sometimes the same book for days), and I'll read the same books my 12 & 10 year old read so we can talk about the books together.

We eat dinner together and talk about our day at work or school.  Even on the days when the older ones have dance class and they eat late after everyone else is done, we make sure either the Big Oh or myself (sometimes both of us) sit with them to talk about the day while they finish eating.

We hang out together.  Most evenings after dinner all 5 of us are in the same room getting settled down and ready for bed.  This may take over an hour, and during this time we could be brushing our teeth, reading a book, watching TV, surfing the internet on the iPad, or writing a blog, but we all seem to flock to the same room even if we are doing different things.

We volunteer to go on field trips with our kid's classes.  We go swimming & skating with them, not just take them to swim/skate lessons, but actually get in the water and on the ice with them to teach & play with them.  We go bike riding & play in the park in the summer, and we build snowmen & snow forts in the winter.

We take them to their many dance classes, recitals, & competitions.  We sit hours just to see them on stage for a few minutes.  We are there to give them a big smile and hi-five when they know they've done an amazing job.  And we are the first people they seek out to hug and cry to when they know they could've done better.

We make time for traditions.  We make time for friends and extended family.  We emphasize the importance of traditions and and insist our children participate, not by ultimatum & force, but by explaining why it is important and what the alternative would be without friends & family to share traditions with.

Nothing above seems very magical to me.  So I guess I'm not making a very magical childhood for my kids. However, they show me everyday through their words & actions that they wouldn't want it any differently and that is all that matters.

YC

Happy Birthday To My Baby

Today is M3's birthday.



As with any school day, I get a head start before the kids wake up to start breakfast & lunches.  I then go & check on the older ones to make sure they are out of bed and then help M3 with her morning routine.  Sometimes she lies in bed waiting for me to come in & help her pick out her clothes, set up her toothbrush, brush her hair.  Sometimes she's already up and getting a head start with the help of her older sisters.  Today when I went upstairs she was already in her school clothes and in the washroom brushing her teeth - today is going to be a great day!



M3 is my baby and she always will be.  I cuddle her more, kiss her more, and she enjoys playing "baby" with me more so than the older two did.  She is also my feisty one.  She has a temper.  She pushes our boundaries & tests our patience daily.  No, I am not waiting for her to grow out of this "stage" - I anticipate she will be like this forever.  This is what makes her HER and I love everything about her.



M3 reminds me everyday that being a family, a parent, is not going to always be just hugs and kisses, sunshine and rainbows.  There will be frustrations, tears, and meltdowns.  There will be cloudy days, rainy days and some downright stay-at-home-and-lock-yourselves-in-blizzard days.  And that's OK.  She reminds me that just blinding loving my children is not enough.   I need to be patient, compassionate, empathetic, and kind.  I can't do all the talking and teaching.  Sometimes I need to listen to my children, REALLY listen to them and learn from them too.



Happy Birthday M3.  Everyday you show me how I can be the best mom I can be.  I love you so much.



Y.C.

Honestly Me

I haven't been completely honest.  I haven't lied.  But I've been holding back.

There are many things I worry about daily.  In order to keep my sanity I have learned to push these worrisome thoughts aside and concentrate on the present.  There are many days that writing will help put everything in perspective and help me re-focus on the present.  Reminding me of what is important now.  What is happening now. 

When I say I haven't been completely honest I mean that a lot of what I write doesn't make it to this blog.  It is written and saved but never "published" because I'm not ready to "put it all out there".  Knowing that there are those very dear and close to me reading this, I am selective on what I share. 

But there are people out there who do share their innermost fears and feelings.  They are real.  They are raw and they are very very brave.  I recently started following a blog of a woman who shares her experiences (www.tanismiller.com).  She is a mother who unexpectedly gave birth to a special needs child.  She also unexpectedly loss that child, and is currently an adopted mother of another special needs child.  She writes beautifully and honestly.  I wish I was able to be as uninhibited in my writing as she is.  Reading her blog makes me feel stronger.  It makes me feel that with so many stories out there of faith, love, hope and just SURVIVING - that perhaps my story can be that too. 

Maybe by writing & posting this today I am getting closer to being the true honest person I hope to be.

Y.C.