Words

How do you talk to a dying person?  The conversations don’t have to be full of tears, missed opportunities, unfulfilled dreams, or regrets.  Sometimes silence is comforting.

Pain doesn’t need to always be acknowledged - it can be understood without words.  What comforts me the most is hearing how life goes on in-spite of all that is happening in my little cocoon because in the end isn’t that what we all want?   We want to know that even if we are not here, the people we love will continue to move forward and seize their opportunities.  They will continue to dream big and do everything possible to fulfill them.   They will love harder and live with more conviction and count their blessings everyday

Y.C.

September

From a young age we are all conditioned to think about and plan for our future.  Even as early as primary school when you get those assignments that ask you to complete the sentence, “When I grow up I want to be...”  we are already told to dream big and anything is possible.  As we leave childhood and enter our teenage years the days of dreaming to be a princess or a rock star make way for more practical vocations like say, an accountant or a teacher.   Life is always about thinking, planning, and dreaming ahead.

When I was younger I was full of ideas of what kind of working career I wanted.  When I was dating in my early twenties I would ponder if each potential candidate would make a good life-partner.  And when I found THE ONE (yes, The Big Oh) my head was filled will all the possibilities our future would hold.  Now that I have children my dreams, my future, are almost always in the context of their dreams and their future, and what role can I play in it.

But “Life” has a mind of it’s own.   My life, my dreams, and my future has been turned upside down, turned inside out, and thrown around so much over the last few years that I’ve lost my sense of direction.  Most days I don’t know whether I’m moving forward, falling down, or at a standstill.  

September to me marks a new year more so than January in many ways.   The kids start a new grade, new teachers, even a new school.   A new dance season starts.  I’m back to organizing and purging all  the summer clothes to make way for the fall and winter ones.  And it’s just a logical time to de-clutter and tidy my home.  So during this week I have been doing all that plus helping my children move forward with their busy lives - talking and listening to them tell me about all the new things they are planning for this year - and fortunately I haven’t had much time to dwell on my own stagnant life. Through their excitement, their plans and their dreams, I can see so much potential in them and I am able to see a beautiful future - regardless of whether I am in it or not.  And that makes me happy.

So for those of you who got thrown a curveball, fell off the wagon, hit a bump, or in the middle of your own whirlwind; for those of you who may have to re-think the path you are taking, or may even had your dreams shattered; look for your inspiration to continue to dream for a (new) beautiful future.

Y.C.

A School Year to Remember

The school year is officially over. This year has been a bit rough. I was told at the beginning that grade 7 was pretty much like grade 6. I was relieved as grade six had been tough so I thought I was prepared and it would be smooth sailing. Well I thought wrong. Yes it was pretty much like grade 6 with some added on information here and there, but my teacher was the issue. Yes that may sound harsh but it's the truth. We had lots of fun during the year, but as a teacher, she should be teaching us. She did not. 

We just got worksheet after worksheet after worksheet. And if I'm being honest the worksheets taught me more than she did and she didn't even make them. She bought the worksheets from an online source! 

Then we would get tests and assignments that everyone in the class would struggle with because she didn't teach us anything. She expected us to know what to do and how to do everything on our own. We would get the tests back and she would tell us she was surprised or disappointed with the marks. The only reason why I got high marks was because I got help from other people that weren't her!   

That then leads me to my next point. She never marked any of our work. She only marked the things that she needed to put on our report card. Other things would just go to waste. There were 40+ items that she did not mark throughout the entire year  (yes I did make a list)! Yesterday I got my report card. I was so disappointed with myself in art. I got a 78%. My teacher always talks about how different people do well in different ways, some people do well during tests, others do well in presentations. So I know I got a 78% on sketching, but we had two other assignments that I thought that I did much better than a 78%. But she did not mark them. She never gave it back to us with a mark. Those other two art projects could have boosted up my art my IF she marked them. Every time we asked her if she brought any marked work she would say she forgot or she was busy the night before. Then we would ask if she could bring the work the next day and she would say she would then never bring it or she would say something like I will try but I might forget. Honestly, this is your job isn't it? What else are you busy with? She isn't married nor has children so there is no hold up at home so I do not understand why she doesn't have time to mark our work. My class did the same exact things as the other grade 7 class. We did the same assignments, had the same worksheets at the same exact time as us and we were only a day or two off of our lessons. My friends from the other class would be getting all their work back within a week of handing it in and they would ask me whether I got it back and I didn't. It was tough. I would say "Oh we'll probably get it back soon" but as the year progressed, I realized it was not going to happen. So now there I was so sad that my friends were talking about they did this right and did this wrong and I stressing every time they talked about marks questioning whether I got it wrong. By the time March came around, my classmates and I realized that whatever she assigned to us wasn't going to come back to us with a mark, as we still didn't have things back from November (which by the way I don't have back now that school is over). 

She doesn't know how to teach either (which probably explains why she just gives us worksheets). We had a probability test a few weeks ago. There was one question that no one in my class got correct. So someone asked her to explain to us how to solve it. She responded with "Umm...I've got to think about how to word it...I'll get back to you". Like, how do you not know how to solve a problem that YOU put on the test YOU are assigning to your students??? She never got back to us. 

Then there was another question where she said the answer was 9/50 and there were students in the class (including me) who argued that the answer was 2/5. Now these are two totally different fractions. 18% vs. 40%...Totally different. When we showed her how we solved it she had to call in the other grade 7 teacher who also thought it was 9/50. In the end my teacher was like "Ohhh...I see. I'm just going to mark them both as correct." Then I said, "I don't think they both can be correct because they are two totally different fractions." She replied saying "At this point I'm going to just mark them both as correct, so do you want the mark or not?" So I just left it, but seriously? 

Another thing that bothers me is that she would always tell us how behind we are and there at so many things we still need to get through before the year ends. But the thing is she always pushes things back and gets side tracked with other unimportant things. And then when the first week of June comes around and we have 10 assignments/tests because report cards are due and she needs a mark for us. So pretty much all the things we did from February to May didn't mean anything because she only marked the things she needed for our report card. All the other tests/assignments were just thrown out the window. 

But what can I do now? The year is over. Nothing about my marks can be changed. I just have to hope that the future students don't have to experience what I did, including M3. 

M2

Another Dance Season Done

Dance season has wrapped up and my family can start to have a normal schedule again.  We can also have dinner every night together and will not have to plan weekend activities around dance practices for the next 4 months (more or less).   Every year I think it is the best year ever but that’s because my girls improve and “best-themselves” every single year - this year is no different.  Their routines are not only more technically difficult but they are also learning to become more emotionally invested in the music selection and their movements.  It is really very beautiful to watch.

My children are so lucky to have so much love and support of their aunts and uncles.  I have mentioned our siblings many times, and everyone knows how important they are in our lives.    But to come out year after year, multiple times a season, and to even know the names and characteristics of the OTHER dancers on my daughters team - I’m not sure how many aunts and uncles can be THAT interested and involved.  So a very special shout out to Uncle KaKa and his wife - she even took time off work AND re-scheduled her weekly grocery shopping routine so she wouldn’t miss my girls solos.   Thank you and we love you!

Y.C.

Randomness

Recently I had a few friends who messaged me to chit-chat and some of the things we wrote about got me thinking.  Here are some of my random thoughts on random things....

Sometimes just getting good grades, or being the good, obedient one that follows all the rules, may not always get you the recognition you feel you deserve.  You need to promote yourself & your abilities, and be vocal about what you want instead of waiting around for someone to notice you.

Being vocal and speaking up doesn’t mean you have to be obnoxious - you can advocate for yourself and still be modest and likeable.

Normal, healthy, fourteen year olds should NOT be afraid to take public transit.

Our lives are so busy & filled with so much anxiety already.  There are so many things we “have” to do; in our limited free time when we do get to choose, we need to be selective and do things that will give us joy, or at the very least calmness.  When it is our free time, the only obligation we should have is to ourself - to be the best, healthiest, happiest person we can be.

The relationships we have doesn’t need to look like what society/culture/peers deems to be normal.  If the interactions are comfortable, not contrived, and everyone involved is content, then just accept that it is a normal and healthy relationship that is working for you right now.

When children mis-behave they need to be disciplined.   They need rules and punishments.  They need to know expectations, and they need to be accountable for their actions.   Children need predictability and when all of this is done with reasoning they will feel safe and loved.  Some children just need to be spanked.  And some need therapy.

Spend time with people that give you joy.  But it’s OK to say “no” to those same people once-in-awhile because we all need quiet time too.   Don’t be so insecure - I still love you!

Parents shouldn’t have to watch their children die.   Is it terrible of me to wish my parents die before I do?   Who even thinks about this stuff except me?

I see a lot of really sick people.  Seeing them reminds me how lucky I am to be alive, and reminds me that I could be a lot worse.  How wrong is that?  I’m using other people’s pain to console myself & make myself feel better.

Y.C.

New York - The Final Part

We’ve been home from New York for 2 weeks now and I finally have a bit of time and energy to finish our account of this trip.  I hope I remember all the details correctly!

On Tuesday March 12 (Day 4) we had the day planned to visit the Statue Of Liberty and the 9/11 Memorial & Museum.  We started with the Statue Of Liberty and it was a wet and windy day!  It was the only day we had ‘bad’ weather!  We took the ferry to the Statue Of Liberty and walked once around the base of the statue.  We didn’t even visit Ellis Island even though it was part of our paid ticket!  It was just too cold and windy!  After the Statue of  Liberty we walked about 10 blocks to the 9/11 Memorial & Museum.   It was a moving experience.  The kids saw photographs and artifacts of that day.  They asked us questions and we did our best to answer them.  I believe everyone should visit this place at least once.  So much to think about and reflect upon.  The one and a half hours we spent there just wasn’t enough, I could have easily stayed for another 2 hours.

We had made reservations for a restaurant Ivan Ramen on the recommendation of someone the Big Oh works with.  This restaurant was featured on the TV show Chef’s Table Season 3.  My girls & I opted for traditional soupy ramen which didn’t disappoint and the Big Oh had the Shoyu Tonkotsu which is a dry noodle dish.  We also had appetizers: Japanese Fried Chicken & Steamed Pork Buns - and those were delish too!  Unfortunately because of the timing of the dinner we missed the last bus back to the hotel so we had to take a cab - this was only realized after waiting 30 minutes at the bus stop!

Day 4 was another busy day and we were back to the hotel late.  We decided the next day would be a relaxing day with no schedule to follow.

Wednesday March 13 was our last day in New York City (Day5).  We decided to separate in the morning and meet back at the hotel in the late afternoon before our show.  The Big Oh took M1 & M3 on a guided tour of Madison Square Gardens which was just across the street from our hotel.  M2 & I strolled 5th Ave & did some shopping.  It was a good afternoon and after we met the family back at the hotel we even had some time to do some shopping at Macy’s on 5th Ave.  After the shopping we were off to our final show - ALADDIN!  It is definitely a family friendly show with lots of colourful costumes, high energy song & dance, and a familiar story we all loved.   I am so glad I picked this show for the family!  Tickets were not expensive by Broadway standards and we got amazing orchestra level seats.  After the show we had a late dinner at John’s Pizzeria but we felt it was too late for a pizza so we just enjoyed some appetizers and salads.

On the way back to the hotel we passed by Carlo’s Bakery on 8th Ave.  This is the one of the locations outside New Jersey where the original Cake Boss from the TLC network made famous.  I went in to see if I could purchase some desserts but quickly exited when I saw the line up was snaked around 4 or 5 lines deep (probably a 30-45 minute wait).  I didn’t want cake THAT badly - maybe next time!

Day 6 was a travel day.  Everyone couldn’t wait to get home so we cut our stops short, just stopping for gas and to stretch our legs.  My MIL was waiting at home with a nice home cooked meal.  We are so blessed - we had a lovely trip, spending some quality time with our children, but I’ve always said, “The best part of going on vacation is coming home.”

Y.C.

Lights, Camera, And...Magic

Day 3: A ton of walking today.   It must be the adrenaline or the energy of the city but I haven’t walked this much in one day in years!  I’m worried I’ll be paying for it when we return home!

After a quick breakfast in the hotel room we walked the 25 minutes to NBC Studio.  Unfortunately there were no photos or video taking allowed and for the $39 price tag it was a bit short - just under an hour.  We toured the NBC newsroom & the Saturday Night Live set and no, we did not see any celebrities while we were there.  At the end of the tour some of the group got to participate in a “taping” of a mock talk show - which could be fun for kids but seemed a bit juvenile/silly for the adults.  Everyone in the tour got a digital copy of the clip as a souvenir.

The afternoon started a bit rocky with M1 feeling queasy.  My kids don’t fare well when they have to eat a lot of restaurant food/fast food/take-out.  I like to think it’s because we feed them clean, nutrious, home-cooked meals regularly so they can’t stomach a lot of preservatives, salt, sugar, and grease.  M1 ended up spending the entire afternoon in the hotel room with the Big Oh while I took M2 & M3 on a bus ride to Chinatown.   My SIL gave us a recommendation for a good noodle place from her fam in NY and it was a hit with the 3 of us - almost as good as what is served in TO.  By the time we returned to Times Square it was already past 5:00pm.  Our plan was to catch a 7:00pm magic show at the LOL Comedy Club so we decided to have the Big Oh & M2 meet us there instead of having us return to the hotel first.  The club itself is in the heart of Times Square, up a dark flight of narrow stairs.   The room was pretty basic: it was dark, with cafeteria chairs, & small tables to put drinks on, a small stage, and everything was packed together so tightly to try to get as much audience in as possible - M1 kept saying she was scared because it looked “sketchy”.  And it didn’t help that this place was near empty on a Monday night.   Only 20 of us in the audience.  But the two magicians didn’t let the small size of the group affect them, and were very entertaining and the kids even got to participate in one of the tricks.  After the show M3 went to ask how one of the tricks was done and the magician  Eric Walton stayed and talked to us and even did a few more close up card tricks for just my family (he never did tell us how the trick was done).  In the end even M1 agreed it was a good show.

By the time we left the show it was getting close to 9:00pm and Times Square was a buzz.  With all the lights and billboards you couldn’t even tell it was nighttime!  The atmosphere at night is definitely different than during the day.  We had to walk about 30 minutes back to our hotel.  Our curious family were soaking in the sights and sounds of the street performers and quickly realized that if we looked too interested in what they were doing we would become prime targets for their hustle - which is exactly what happened.  There were a group of young street dancers and we stopped to watch and clap along - next thing we knew The Big Oh was pulled in along with a few other men to “help” with a stunt they were going to perform.  And this is when the speil and bags came out asking for tips & donations before they would finished the show - they even asked for $20 minimum!  But that’s OK.  I figure this is their job & this is how they make their livelihood plus they were pretty funny & entertaining.  When we left this performance, not 10 steps away we were approached by a singing performer who thrust a self made CD into the Big Oh’s hand and in about 20 seconds convinced him to “help support the music he loves making with a few dollars or change” and even signed the CD!  I left thinking that it could be a blank CD for all we know!  We were continually being accosted as we walked, but after 2 incidents we now knew we had to walk fast and a polite and firm “No, thank you”, is all you need to say.

I didn’t realize how tired I was until got back to the hotel.  We are all going to sleep in and even though we have things planned, we won’t be following s schedule and will just take it easy tomorrow.
Y.C.