Embrace the Challenge

For the past two years my first two daughters, M1 and M2, have both passed their ballet exams with distinction.  This year, the ballet teacher asked if M1 wanted to skip Grade 5 ballet next year and move into Grade 6.  Now, I don’t want to give the impression that she is a really good ballet dancer.  The reason for this suggestion by the teacher is because M1 started ballet late.  She just finished Grade 4, while M2, who is two years younger,  just finished Grade 3.  So skipping Grade 5 just means she will be where she belongs.  Also, Grade 6 ballet will be the level where most of her teammates and girls her age are dancing.

But M1 is a bit nervous about this because she doesn’t think she’s ready.  Most likely she is just comfortable at that lower level and she may be concerned that she won’t be top dog or achieve distinction if she jumps up to Grade 6.  While it may be true that she will not get as high a mark in a higher grade, I still want her to embrace this challenge.  One reason is because the teacher thinks she can do it and at this point I think the teacher is the best judge of M1’s abilities.  The main reason, though, is that I want my children to embrace a challenge when they are faced with one.  Success or failure, there will be good lessons to be learned.  (Of course, I don’t want to set them up for failure, like suggesting they arm wrestle a bear or something like that!)

This desire of mine may stem from my own regret that I did not embrace as many challenges as I could have during my own childhood.  I played badminton competitively from age 12 to 16 and there were several occasions where I would lose my first game on purpose in order to compete in the consolation round.  I knew I did not have a chance to win against the better players in the main round so I decided to be “first among losers”.  Trophies were given to the champion and finalist of the main round and also the winner of the consolation round.  So to me, the trophy in the consolation round was more precious than the experience I would gain if I had lost in the main round.  I deliberately disobeyed my brother Pepe, who was doubling as my badminton coach.  I guess as a kid I was a materialist and now I am more of an idealist. 

After I stopped competing, I would sometimes think back about my badminton-playing days and I wish I did not throw games in order to win in the easier consolation round.  Had I tried my best, who knows how far I could have advanced in the tournament.  There were times where I played a weaker opponent and lost.  There were also other times when I played a stronger opponent and won.  So what if I had tried harder?  Perhaps I could have played a real good game and upset a stronger opponent in the tournament.  If I had lost, it would still be an honour to say I played against a real good player and gave them a run for their money.  Looking back now, 25 years later, playing a good, competitive badminton match would be more memorable and valuable than getting a trophy.

As a parent, we want our children to be better than we are and not make the same mistakes we did.  I hope my experiences will weigh in on M1’s decision.  “And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance … I hope you dance … I hope you dance.”

Big Oh