The Crash Of My Life

This month is turning out to be a pretty crappy month.  I have been feeling a bit "down" since the beginning of the year.  And I lost my e-reader yesterday!

Perhaps it's the short days & long nights.

Maybe it's the awful weather - gone is the beautiful white snow & crisp winter air that we had around Christmas, lately it has been dreary drizzle and overcast skies which just makes the roads wet and slushy on good days, or a dangerous sheet of black ice on bad ones.

The feelings I'm having could be an emotional/mental "crash" from the "highs" that come with Christmas holidays, feasting with family & friends, and just spending some quality time with the people I love.

Or it could be just because it's January.  It was a day 3 years ago in January that brought me to who & where I am today.  It was horrible devastating news that was delivered to me on a January day, similar to the ones we've been having lately, that changed my life.  

I was driving my shiny red car on a familiar highway cruising at 100 km/hr and all the other cars driving with me were keeping a safe distance.  I knew where I was going.  I had a clear destination in sight.  I knew this road like it was the back of my hand, I had driven it thousands of times. It was a beautiful day.  The skies were clear and the sun was out but not blinding - just right.  The trees, houses & building, and scenery alongside the highway was enough to keep my drive interesting but not distracting.  I'm smiling and singing along to a favorite song playing on the radio.  Then without notice, without reason, without any cause at all I lose control and my car is spinning out of control in the middle of the road.  The brakes don't work, the steering wheel has a mind of it's own, and all I can do is sit there and watch out the windshield of all the cars I'm hitting  knocking out of the way, meanwhile my car is still spinning, still accelerating at 100 km/hr.  My heart is beating so hard I feel pain in my chest, my mind is racing & my head is pounding, and I am screaming for everything to stop.  I don't know how long this went on for but I am still inside my bashed up, broken car.  It's all scratched up, dented, pieces of it left behind in the carnage. It's no longer shiny, but rusty & scratched up and it'll never go fast again - my beloved shiny red car!

I'm still driving, though the conditions are all different now.  I'm not on that familiar highway and I'm not cruising anymore, no never again.  It's stop and go, slowly ploughing through foreign roads in places where I don't recognize.  It is a rough, bumpy road, full of sudden turns and dead ends, there are no signs or directions.  There will be moments of deja vu - that I've driven this road before and maybe I can let my guard down but it never lasts long before I am back to unfamiliar territory.  The skies are cloudy, but I know there is a sun behind those clouds and sometimes a ray of light will sneak out for a brief moment to remind me it's there.  The radio still works and music still plays but I can't seem to tune into my favorite radio station anymore - the one that plays all the songs I love and know all the words to.  Sometimes I will still try to sing along.  I DON'T know where I am going but I can't get out of my car.  I HAVE to keep driving.  There is no other choice.

Y.C.

Big Oh's Top Ten List of 2016

10) Auston Matthews
9) Summer trips to Wonderland
8) Wifey's ladies only trip to Tampa and stories about Uncle Rich
7) Watching Legend of the Condor Heroes with my daughters and seeing that they understand it and are enjoying it
6) Going to dance competitions and watching my daughters
5) M3 learns to ride a bike
4) Canada Day trip to Ottawa - witnessed a lot of "true patriot love" and it was educational for my daughters
3) March Break cruise - first vacation requiring a plane ride since M3 was born
2) My three daughters
1) My beautiful wife - a true inspiration


Big Oh

Top Ten List Of 2016

I made it!  WE made it through 2016!

My family spent New Year's eve with some of our dearest friends, something I haven't done in a few years.   It was a tiring evening but I am so glad we did it.

Here is my top ten list for this year:

10) Dance Dance & More Dance

9) Netflix & Chinese Cable boxes

8) Watching D & A's first year - 100th Day Party, First Birthday

7) This year's summer holidays when we watched Legend Of The Condor Hereos with our girls AND taught them how to play MJ

6) March Break Cruise with our "Pals" - our first major family vacation since M3 has been born and her first time on an airplane

5) My first "Girlfriend's Trip" in November to Tampa, Florida - could not have imagined it without these 4 amazing women: L.L, H.H, P.T, and N.L.

4) Spending Canada Day in our nation's capital with our beautiful daughters: watching fireworks, learning some Canadian history, trying different restaurants

3) Once again, I could not have made it through this year without my family & friends who laugh & cry with me & remind me everyday how lucky I am to have them in my life.

2) My Beautiful daughters

1) The Big Oh

Y.C.

Goodbye 2016

Only 3 more days until Christmas!  I say this not with excitement, but more with relief.  You see, Christmas has never been my favorite holiday or time of year.  Too much spending, too stressful, too much eating, just too much of everything.

I don't hate Christmas.  I don't love it.  There are aspects of this time of year that I do LIKE....but nothing really about it that I love.  I guess I most enjoy spending time with my family & friends.  Not large parties but smaller intimate dinners or lunches.  Sitting around, watching a movie, not really feeling like much needs to be said or done.  Just enjoying each other's PRESENCE.

The year did not start on a high note, but it didn't end on a low one either.   So what kind of year was it?  It was a year where I continued to have hope.  There were times of darkness, despair, & disappointment.  But there were also days of celebration - celebrating my beautiful family, my amazing friends, and celebrating me!

Only a few more days left for 2016.  I know 2017 will be much much better & I can't wait for it to get started!
Y.C.

Wonder

At the beginning of the school year my teacher started reading the book Wonder to my class as a read aloud. My mom also had the book so I brought it in class to follow along. We don't read often, only when there's extra time at the end of the day. It was such a good book that I decided to start reading it on my own. Why not read it on my own and put it to some use! Anyways, just finished the book on my own and my class is way behind me. So, I'm going to write about the book and I'm not going to talk about non-important parts so if you decide to read the book I won't explain every detail.
ALERT: SPOILERS AHEAD!! If you don't want any spoilers just stop reading and I won't be offended.

The main character is August and he has a deformed face. The author didn't really go into detail about what he looked like. All the author said is his eyes are about an inch below where they're supposed to be, one ear is bigger than the other, and when he smiles his mouth looks like a straight line. He had had many surgeries when he was young so he got home schooled by his mom. Now he's going to school for the first time and entering grade five. Before the school year started the principal, Mr.Tushman asked three student that go to the school to come to the school, give August  a tour of the school and be welcoming buddies for August. When they got there they were all really nice to August but later on August found out Charlotte was a goody two shoes, Jack was a good friend and Julian was a bully. When the tour was over August and his mom left to walk home. When they got home his mom asked him how it was. August told her what had happened and that Julian hurt his feelings when he said "Were you in a fire or something," but Jack and Charlotte stood up for him and said "You're so rude, Julian.". His mom was really upset and said he didn't have to go to school.
On the first day of school, Jack hung out with him in his classes, Charlotte said hi to him in the halls, but Julian was talking about him behind his back in a bad way. At lunch Jack went to sit at a table with other kids so August sat by himself in the cafeteria. Then a girl named Summer came by to sit with him and they became very good friends.
Jack, Summer and August all became good friends. Then on Halloween August was going to go as Boba Fett, but changed his mind last minute to go as the Bleeding Scream. When he walked into class he sat at a desk and three people were talking. He over heard them talking and right away he knew one was Julian, but he couldn't figure out who the other two were. He soon figured out it was Jack and they were bad mouthing him. August felt so betrayed he left and went to the nurse's office to call home sick. When his mom picked him up and asked what was wrong but all he said was that he didn't feel well. He didn't want his mom to go tell the principal about what happened. After that August didn't talk to Jack after that but a little while after that Jack asked Summer what happened. Summer swore to August she wouldn't tell anyone but she felt bad for Jack so she gave him the hint of Bleeding Scream. At first Jack didn't understand but after a while he realized that the person in the bleeding scream costume was August. So he texted August and said that he was really sorry for what he did and August forgave him. Meanwhile Jack and Julian were talking and Julian started bad mouthing August. Jack is August friend so he punched Julian in the mouth. After what happened the principal, Mr. Tushman asked Jack why he did it but Jack said if he told him if he told him it would make everything worse and Mr. Tushman suspended him for two days. So during the winter break Jack e-mailed Julian and Mr. Tushman to apologize. after the winter break was over the grade fives went on a two day camping trip. August wasn't very excited for the trip because Julian was going to be there, but when he got to school Julian wasn't there. August had a great time except for on the last day they had an outdoor movie with other schools and there were older bullies from another school. A couple other boys from August's school were standing up for him. The other kids were pulling on him and calling him names. In the end they took August's hearing aids and broke them. When they got back Mr.Tushman had contacted the other school's principal and found what was left of his broken hearing aid. Now August had so many friends because they heard what had happened and how brave August was. Meanwhile Julian had missed all of the trip and that was what everyone was talking about so he was out of it and had no friends. It turns put that Julian had missed the trip because he got suspended for two weeks for writing mean notes to August and putting them in his locker. Julian's parents got so mad that Julian got suspended longer than Jack so his dad said that next year Julian would not be returning to this school.

I really liked this book and I would recommended it to all ages because M1 and Y.C have both read it already.


                                                                              M2

Future Dreams

I read something recently...

"When most are dreaming of graduations, weddings, family trips, retirement.  I'm just dreaming of another day, another week, another month, that I can spend with the people I love."

Actually I do dream of graduations, weddings, family trips, and retirement.  This is how I dream of those things: I do it with a longing and wonder of whether I will see it happen.  Some days I am determined that I will, some days I am convinced I will not.  This is what goes thru my mind almost everyday.  Thinking about the future, the future of my children, and what it would be like without me.  What keeps me going is the faint hope, the last thread of string I hang on to, that yes, I WILL be here for many more years.

Y.C.

Halfway Mark

We started off the day with a walk on the beach.  I never considered myself a 'beachy' type person but I think I could change.  Something about the ocean, waves, crisp air, clear sky...the calmness of it all.  I could get used to this.

Today is Day 3 of my mini-vacation.  Another day of wonderful company, amazing food, and shopping...

Y.C.