Be Still

Oh so much I want to write!  Where to begin?  What to write?  How much can you (all 8 of you) handle?

Let's start where I left off last.  I hate social media.  Currently my favorite one to hate on: Snapchat.  I think it's stupid.  Admittedly I'm a Facebook user and I also have an Instagram account - both of which I post on sparingly, maybe once a month or even less.  I use social media to see what my friends and family are up to.  Sometimes I'll "Like" a photo, or pass on a really interesting (legitimate) article, opinion, blog, etc...  But Snapchat?  What's the point?  To show a group of people, you may or may not know, where you are, what you're doing, who you're with for that 20 seconds (not even sure if this is correct) in time.  There is no background, no context, no time or space for anything helpful or descriptive!  But hey, I'm 43 years old, so a lot of things seem stupid to me.

Next on my list: Home renovators/contractors.  Ugh!  I'm currently sitting at home waiting for a guy to start some ceiling work in my house.  It all started a month ago.  I got a good referral from my brother-in-law.  This contractor finished his basement a few years ago and my BIL has since referred a few jobs to him.  I was warned up front: He is honest, charges a good price, but he has his own concept of time.  I met him and we agreed on the job and he said he could start "next week" and he would call me the day before he'd start.   Well, a week came and went with no call from him.  I guess in his alternate time-line next week could mean "next week", but it could also mean 3 weeks later.  I accepted this and now, 3 weeks later, I am sitting here waiting for him to show up.  Last Saturday I asked him if he was planning on starting work this week.  He said "Thursday".   Well he didn't say WHICH Thursday....

Yesterday, I used a Facebook Buy & Sell page for the first time.  And I sold $43 worth of stuff in about 24 hours!  Woohoo!  I'm not sure what I'm more happy about: the $43 or the fact that I got rid of 8 board games/activity kits that my kids no longer play with (some of them with missing pieces - which I fully disclosed)!  I sold items to 2 different people.  Both live in my neighbourhood and I met them at a local mall.  The encounters were pleasant, it was convenient and there was no haggling/negotiating on the spot - which I heard can be the case even when a price had been agreed upon in advance online.  I'll definitely do it again.

I was still on my $43 high when I was blindsided by another meltdown by M3.  I came home and she was already bawling about how her sisters wouldn't draw her a heart before they left for dance class.  NO ONE was allowed to draw her a heart except her two sisters who weren't home, and she ABSOLUTELY could not wait until they got back.  It was one of her tantrums that after 10 minutes she wasn't crying about the heart anymore but somehow had gone off on a tangent: I didn't understand her, no one wants to help her, she always gets left out, and no one loves her.   I try.  I really do try.  I always start off calm and patient.  Re-assuring her.  Trying to talk her through her anger & frustrations.  But once again, it ends with me yelling, screaming, threatening, begging, and finally crying with her.

That was yesterday.  Today has just begun.  And I'm still waiting for that contractor to show up...

Y.C.

P.S.  The title doesn't mean anything.  Couldn't think of a clever title for this blog - Be Still is M1's solo dance this year - check it out on my FB page if you haven't seen it yet!
 

12 Year Old Problems

Yesterday one of my daughters saw a picture on social media of a group of her friends having dinner.  The dinner turned out to be a birthday party.  My daughter and the group are all on the same "team" of an extra-curricular activity.  It turns out that along with my daughter, two other members of the team were also not invited.  So most of the evening consisted of the 3 of them lamenting on why they weren't invited.  After her initial outburst from being left out had cooled down, I had a chance to talk to my daughter about it.  I am not at all upset that my child wasn't invited.  I explained to my daughter that the birthday girl had invited friends that she felt close to - there were other invitees who were from different social groups as well.  I'd like to think that the criteria for who to invite or not to invite was not "I don't like her so I'm not going to invite her", but rather, "Who are my closest friends."  I think my daughter understands, but it's still a hard pill to swallow nonetheless (especially for a 12 year old).

Today the same daughter was at another party.  Shortly after she got home she got a text message from a friend who was not invited to the party asking her where she was today and if she went ****.   Obviously someone must have posted a picture of the party on social media.

Our daughter was distressed and wanted advice on how to respond.  She just experienced how it felt to be left out less than 24 hours ago so she can empathize how her friend must be feeling.  She also feels guilty about going to the party.  Our advice to her was to tell the truth, but to also acknowledge that she felt sorry that the friend wasn't there.

And THIS is why I hate social media!

I did have a fleeting impulse to confront the parents involved however I have decided that this is not something parents need to get involved in.  Parents should remain a healthy distance from their children's friendships.  Children need to learn how to navigate through tough situations, and how to identify, establish and nurture different types of friendships and relationships - especially during these teenage years.   I am here to provide a source of reference and advice & a safe place for them to return to whenever they need.

Y.C.