Excited For Christmas

Today I am going to write about the Christmas holiday that is coming up in three days. I love Christmas because you get to see family members and  you have a  party. You get presents at Christmas, and even though you get presents on your birthday, you get much more at Christmas time. I feel like you get more presents on Christmas than your birthday because I see a lot of extended family members at Christmas time, and on my birthday I only see my immediate. Every Christmas I have a party at my house on Christmas Day and my uncle makes special pancakes.  I only get his pancakes once a year. We also do a Secret Santa  with my cousins and if you don't know how it works it goes like this: you each pick a name out of a bag and whoever you get you buy a present for them. We also have a winter break from school for the holiday.  My family and I take lots of pictures.  I am super excited for Christmas. 😃

M3

Christmas Countdown

The first holiday party is under our belts.  Full steam ahead.
This past weekend we spent some quality time with some dear friends, but not without some drama at home first - doesn’t that always happen?  I wake up thinking it’ll be a good day.  But just when we least suspect, something goes awry.  It will take huge efforts from all 5 of us to get back on track (if we even do) and continue the course of the day we had planned.   Fortunately we did make it to our dinner party and we did enjoy our time with our friends.   That is something we’ll be reminding ourselves at every gathering we have.   We will not be distracted from feeling loved & blessed, we will be grateful for every moment we have with the people we love, and we will be happy.

Christmas isn’t my favourite time of year but my children love it.  And they are looking forward to spending time with their cousins.  We always have many special meals and a huge family party.  This year I’ll be hosting dinner for my family - I even bought a turkey!  I’ve always said keeping busy is good - it gives me a purpose - something to look forward to - and right now some family time is exactly what I need.

14 days left to Christmas, 20 days to 2019.

Y.C.

Steps

Today is Sept 19, 2018.   The news is not good.  It is not working anymore.  Not even small baby steps.  No more steps forward.  But I am planting my feet firmly on the ground, digging my heels in, refusing to be pulled back.   With every ounce of strength I have I am resisting because I know once I take that first step back I’ll get pulled harder & stronger until it pulls me down - unable to get up again.   I am running out of options.   It is an odd feeling.  I don’t really know how to describe it.  On one hand, I look no different.  I continue to eat, talk, & laugh with you.  I am here and I am present.  We are planning for all things we will do & places we will go.  And on the other hand, these people, the experts, the tests, the words in black and white, tell a different story.  I’m uncertain how I should be feeling right now.  I guess I feel...uncertain.

************

Sometimes I write things down and I don’t post it.  Sometimes I forget about it.  Sometimes it’s unfinished.  And sometimes I just don’t feel like it’s the right ‘time’.

************

March 23, 2018

Here I am again. A familiar spot. This spot is called “Two steps back”.  As in “One step forward two steps back”.  I was hoping the new team, the new environment, and the fresh minds would give me another chance - or at least a little more time.  But it’s all the same.  A repetition of what the last 3 years have been.  What to do now?  Continue to cling and claw until my fingers and hands are bloodied & numb (quite literally in fact) to an almost non-existent hope?  Or do I resolve that we did our best, the most that we could do and that the outcome was already written at the onset and that it’s finally time to come to terms with it.  To prepare for it.  To accept it.  My mind says yes but my heart cries out ‘No’.

Y.C.

January 12, 2018

I’m tired.  I’m tired of being tired.  I’m tired of telling my children that “I’m tired.  Be quiet.  Let me rest.”   I want to run.  I want build snowmen and snow forts.  I want to climb.  I want to swim.  I want to jump.  I want to laugh hard.  Really really hard.  I want to feel.  Feel anything except being tired.

I just realized M3 is now the same age that M2 was when I was first diagnosed.  M3 seems so young. I can’t imagine what was going on inside M2’s mind 4 years ago.  How my little girl had to grow up so fast during those first few months.  These past 4 years have been a blur - with only the worst days imprinted in my memory.

A few weeks ago I was certain of how 2018 would start.  It didn’t turn out exactly as how I imagined, which isn’t a bad thing, but now I keep thinking about how the next few months will unfold.  I keep reminding myself not to think too far ahead.

Y.C.

August 14, 2017

The best kind of friends are old friends.
I don't need to make small talk.
Silence is not awkward but comfortable.
Some of my most intimate thoughts & feelings are shared with these people.

I spent time with some of my dearest friends this evening. It was filled with laughs and memories of our younger years, & stories of our children & family today.  We talk about our futures in the context of our children a lot - what we hope to teach them in life, what we hope they'll become. I also felt a hint of sadness. I am sad because these nights for me are few & far between and I'm not sure when the next time will be.

I have played out in my mind who I'd want to see when the time comes.  This group of friends have always been included in my thoughts.  What would I say to them? Would it be like tonight, reminiscing, nostalgic, laughter, comfortable silence?  I certainly hope so.

Y.C.

AGT

M2 is a huge AGT fan.  She made an AGT fan IG account (agt.fan2018) where she’ll post pictures, predictions, and comments on this year’s contestants - she’s even had a couple of the actual contestants “Like” and make comments on her fan page!  My favourite contestant this year is a soloist, Michael Ketterer.  He won’t win the competition, there are definitely other acts that are more “Vegas-worthy”, but he has made the final round.  He’s only preformed 3 times but his soulful-country-rock vocals has really made an impact on the show, on social media, and on me!

For his latest performance in the semi-finals this week he sang “When I Look At You”.  I had never heard this song before and at first I wasn’t feeling it as much as his previous 2 auditions when he sang “To Love Somebody” and “Us”.  However the more I listen to it, the more I connect to the song - the lyrics are particularly meaningful to me.  And when I first read through them I thought of my “inspirations” - The Big Oh & my beuatiful girls.  Here are a couple of links to the lyrics and to the Semi-Final performance:

When I Look At You Lyrics

When I Look At You Michael Ketterer AGT Semi-Finals

I feel very lucky that I have beautiful inspirations to look to in my times of darkness - I hope you all can find your inspiration too.

Y.C.

A Few Good Men

I’ve thought about my funeral.
I’ve even talked about it with The Big Oh & my kids.
Not really in specific terms but more hypothetically speaking.
I know my friends & family will cry.  They will be sad.  Sad that I’m no longer here.  Sad for what could have been.

But I hope amongst the sadness & tears there will be happy memories.  There will be smiles & a sense of satisfaction that I made it so far.

There is one very specific thing that I’ve thought about for my funeral.  I have thought about who my pall-bearers would be.  I have been fortunate to know a few good men.  Of course one of them is The Big Oh.  He’s not perfect by far, but he’s perfect for me.  And I know our girls love him with the admiration & respect he deserves.   My daughters have many uncles & aunts from both my side & their dad’s side of the family.  But when the time comes there are 5 very special men that I hope my daughters see by my side.  They have never just been “Uncle So-And-So” .  They are so much more than that.  They are my brothers.  They are my children’s surrogate-fathers.   They’ve listened to The Big Oh & I complain.  They’ve held back their tears & stayed strong for us when we’ve broken down and cried.   These men have all helped hold our family together when it felt like our world was ending.   When my girls look up at these men I hope they see the kindness, strength, patience, honour and love they possess.   These men have set the bar high - examples to my children of what a friend, brother, husband and father should be.  And I hope one day my girls will be as lucky as I am to have a few good men in their lives too.

Y.C.

My Current Song Choice

I think for most people, songs need to grow on you.  The first few times you hear a new song, it’s not that good or just okay.  But then after a while it starts getting better and better.  Then you end up spending a whole afternoon listening to it on repeat.  That happened to me quite often when I was in high school – the time when I kept up with the latest tunes.

One time (at band camp) I heard a song by Sally Yeh – Jook Fook (means to wish you good fortune).  It was the #1 song in Hong Kong in 1988, but I didn’t like it.  Then in 1991 I saw it being sung during the Miss Hong Kong pageant by a babe and it became one of my favourite songs.  It took 3 years – a record for how long it takes for a song to grow on me.  Now that record has been broken, and Sally Yeh is involved again.  It’s a duet in mandarin, with George Lam – her current husband, but they weren’t married when they first sang it in 1993 (I think it came out in 1993).  I didn’t think it was a good song at the time.  But now, 25 years later, I've listening to it on repeat for the past week.

The reason is that I can really identify with the lyrics.  They tug at my heartstrings.  Since it’s in mandarin, I wasn’t sure what all the words meant so I asked a friend to help me translate it.  The translation is below and there is also a link to a YouTube video.  A hundred of those views are probably from me over the last week.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G72QjOUrSJQ

Usually when I translate things, I like to translate the meaning but this time I’m going for a more literal translation of the words.  This way, if you read it without hearing the song, you can translate it back into Chinese and see how poetically powerful the lyrics are.

CHOICE

During the days when the winds get stronger,

I smile as I watch the flowers wilt.

During the season when the snow is dancing,

I raise my glass to the moon.

These kinds of feelings

This kind of road

We experienced them together.

[I hope that you can love me until the earth is old and the sky is barren.

I hope that you can accompany me to the corner of the seas where they meet the edge of the sky.

Even if everything repeats itself

I would not change my decision.

I chose you.

You chose me.

I will certainly love you as long as the lasting earth and the eternal heavens.

I will certainly accompany you until the seas are dry and the rocks have eroded.

Even if I could go back into the past

That would still be my only decision.

I chose you.

You chose me.

This is our choice.]

Spring has left, autumn is gone.

Bid farewell to today, another tomorrow.

Day after day passes, month after month, year after year.

Our hearts do not change.

Repeat [ ]

I choose you.

You choose me.

This is our choice.

******************

Big Oh

Graduation #1

Today was M1’s graduation day.
I thought I would cry but I didn’t.
I was excited.  I was relieved.  I was thankful.  I was proud.  I was happy.
Not too long ago I had my doubts as to whether I’d see this day.  And in the big picture of things - this thing called “life” - today is only a small part of it.  But these days it’s the little things that matter most.

Y.C.

Just A Couple Of Weeks

I’ve had a rough week.  It’s been one of those weeks where every day is exhausting.  By dinner time I feel like I’ve been treading water for eight hours and I’m using every ounce of energy just to keep my head above the water.  I feel like I just want to close my eyes and go under - to let me body sink deep - so deep that I can’t see, hear, or feel anything that is going on around me.  I know you’ve had this feeling too.

My exhaustion is usually a result of  health.  The exhaustion is physical but there is a huge mental/emotional aspect to it.  Some days I have a good grasp of what is going on - I’m realistic and practical.  I try to remain positive and count my many blessings.  Some days I feel like I am drowning.

This week all three of my children have had a stressful week.  Albeit these are only 8-13 year old stresses, but nonetheless my house has been in a state of highly charged emotions.  I know I have difficulty calming their emotions when I don’t have a good handle on my own.  But I try - like all of you out there - we try.

End of school year worries and woes have been plaguing M1 for a few weeks now and it finally culminated in a total after school meltdown this week.  Hopefully that helped ease some of the built up anger, frustration & sadness that has been stewing inside her.  And now that she had a chance to release the negative energy she can channel her positive energy to enjoying the remaining days left of school which includes her graduation.

M2 had a major school event that she helped organized, her annual track & field meet, and schoolwork & projects that were all due over the last couple of weeks.  My perfectionist daughter always puts 110% in everything she does and is ill prepared for less-than-stellar results.  She did well - she always does, but the stress of always needing to be on top of things can take its’ toil.  Over dinner one night she also shed some tears.  No - nothing to do with school work - it was because her friend said M2 was making her feel sad by being “better” friends with another girl.    Here we go again with the pre-teen friendship problems (remember my posts about M1 and her friends)...We’ll just have to ride this out like the last one.

And of course my baby continues to test us.  Test our boundaries.  Test our love.  Just as M1 is becoming more confident, M3 continues to need reassurance.  I know a lot of her defiant, stubborn, sometimes even rebellious acts, is her search for her place in our family.  It’s her way of being seen and heard in our often distracted life.  I will be more patient.  I will try harder - I promise.

And then there’s you.  I haven’t forgotten about you.  I know I put the needs of so many people before you.  I know you feel like an afterthought on most days.  I know you are stressed too.  I know you are riding on an emotional rollercoaster and you feel you are riding it alone.  I know what you are going through and you are not alone.  I may not be able to get on and ride the rollercoaster with you but I’ll be right here when you get off.  Just like how I know you’ll be waiting for me when I get out of the water.

Y.C.

Another One Of Those Parenting Blogs...

It’s Friday.  It’s the day I usually catch up on writing long emails or texts to friends or scrolling through my feed to find something interesting to read.  It’s the day I need to find something to kill 3-4 hours of hospital waiting time.  I read another parenting blog.  And I wonder to myself, “Do parents really need to be reminded of these things?”   It seems so obvious but after second thought, sometimes it the most obvious that we tend to overlook in our stressful, highly charged, jam-packed day.    Here is the article I read today:

13 Habits That Raise Well Adjusted Kids

1) Boundaries
In my words “Rules & Respect”.  I admit I really don’t have a lot of  rules that are absolute.  We believe that there can be exceptions to rules and we teach are children to adapt and be flexible to extenuating circumstances.  The one thing the Big Oh & I do feel strongly about is being respectful to people, particularly older generation relatives, teachers, our friends.  We have ingrained in our children that relatives & our friends need  to be greeted & acknowledged when we see them and NOT by their first names!  Unually ‘Auntie’ or ‘Uncle’ if the relationship is close or a Ms/Mr/Miss.  And although conversations between children and adult family members & friends are encouraged my kids know they are not their “friends” and the dialogue must always remain respectful.

2) Routines
Let’s take routines one step further and include Traditions too.  So important for my family.  From the more mundane routines like showering every night before dinner, and snacks & homework right after school, to the “ fun” Saturday night badminton sessions and annual Christmas & Chinese New Year parties & dinners we are not short of routines & traditions.  Routines and traditions means a  safe place for them.  These are assurances that whatever goes on in this sometimes crazy, chaotic and uncertain world there will always be things that they can count on or look forward to at home.

3) Early Bedtimes
Let’s just say we try our best at this one.

4) Empathy
This one is so hard to teach!  I feel that empathy is almost unteachable unless the child is actually experiencing something (usually unpleasant or sad) which we can draw their feelings from.  Does a 6 year old really know how it feels to be left out until he/she has been left out themself?  Does an 11 year old know how it feels to see a loved one get sick or die until he/she has also has the same experience?  As a parent you never want to see your child hurt or sad but it’s a right of passage for everyone.

5) Hugs
I hug my children all the time.   I also hold their hands.  I kiss them.  And tell them I love them and am proud of them when they work hard to accomplish something.  We also have the occasional “sleepovers” or play “musical beds” when a child has been watching a scary movie, has a nightmare, or maybe just because we feel like it.  These things aren’t going to change anytime soon and I highly recommend it.

6) Playful Parents
I would say we’ve got a good grasp at playing with our kids but even the best of us need to be reminded to put the phone down and give our kids our undivided attention.  And yes it’s hard - especially when it’s the umpteenth time playing Crazy 8’s!  

7) Outdoor Time
How about “Unstructured Outdoor Time”.   Often I’ll find M1 shooting baskets in the front, the other two riding their bikes, and now that spring is here I’m sure they’ll be asking to go to the park very soon.  And they’re now old enough to go on their own - BONUS!!

8) Chores
My kids do chores.  For those who think their kids can’t do it - THEY CAN!  And if they don’t do as well as you would,  well maybe not, but so what?  That’s something I’ve learned and accepted out of necessity.

9) Screen Time Limits
Here’s another one where I don’t have set rules other than the very obvious no devices during meals.  It is obvious, isn’t it?

10) Experiences (Not Things)
I think we do well on this aspect...the reason really is that we don’t have the money to buy a lot of expensive things.  My children never had the latest gadgets or the trendy clothes.   Now that the oldest is a teenager she really doesn’t ask for anything special.

11) Slow Moving Days
This goes hand-in-hand with #7 Outdoor Time.   I’ve been know to tell my kids that “Today is a stay-home-do-nothing day”.   Or another one of my favourites,  “Learn to be bored - it’s good for you”.   Or “I’m not playing with you today.  Go find something to do yourself”.  I don’t use these lines often but I agree slow moving days are a necessity in this hyper-active over-scheduled life we live.

12) Books To Read To Them
I love reading.  I’ve loved it all my life and have read to my children since they were born.  All my children are excellent readers and are turning out to be great writers too.  Reading & writing well makes school work so much easier for them.  I hope these skills will go beyond the school classroom setting.

13) Music
Only recently have I seen the benefits of early piano lessons for M1.   And these benefits didn’t even materialize until after she stopped lessons for a few years.  Music can be therapeutic, an outlet, a stress-reliever.  I hope my younger ones will come to appreciate music and use it the same way M1 has.

Y.C.

Hamilton

I did it.

I did something today that I didn’t think I could do.  I didn’t dare to do.
But the stars were all aligned - it was meant to be.  I bought tickets for the musical Hamilton.  The show is in New York City.  The date is in March 2019.

I’ve written about why I don’t make plans months in advance - I don’t need to go into that.  Buying these tickets is a big step for me.

M1 is a song & dance fan.  She can appreciate a good theatrical production & she has been wanting to see HAMILTON since she first found out about it.  I love musicals.  I’ve checked online & I’ve done my reasearch and it is impossible to buy from the original source unless you sign up in advance for pre-sale tickets.  Even then, when new blocks of tickets are available you must pre-register for a lottery and only if you get chosen do you have a chance to actually purchase the tickets on a specified time & date.

I submitted my email address into the lottery a couple of months ago.  Last week I was notified that a new block of tickets were going to be available for pre-sale today at 10:00am and if I was selected from the lottery I would be sent a special code a couple of hours before the sale time.  I was travelling to a hospital appointment this morning when I got my code, and when 10:00 came around I can honestly say I haven’t been so excited about something in a very long time!  After some technical glitches we were able to buy our tickets!  Yeah!!!

When I was called into my appointment this morning around 10:30 I was still trying to finish my online ticket sale.  The nurse had a nice laugh with me over my excitement but I had to quickly calm myself down.  My blood pressure is always taken at these appointments and it was 185/105!!!

Today I am happy.  It is a good day.

Y.C.

Emotional Roller Coaster

The past few moths have been particularly trying.  The past couple of weeks even more so.
Yesterday was yet another busy roller coaster day.  Emotions were high (and low) in our house.  The events may seem trivial to everyone else but us.

M2 played in her last basketball tournament.  Unlike M1, who was a strong offender and defender on her team, M2 had struggled in practice & at previous games.  I’m sure she felt discourage and wanted to give up playing on the team at times.  But she has a good work ethic, she never missed a morning practice, and even if she only played a couple of shifts each game she always gave 100% effort.  Yesterday at the last tournament of the basketball season she score her first and only basket of the season.   And her team won the tournament.  She was elated.  So proud.   Lots of high emotions running there.

M1 had her first badminton tournament yesterday.   She also had dance practice later in the evening.  At first she thought she could do both, running from one event to the next.  But as the tournament progressed, she realized that it was likely her & her partner were going to advance to the final round.  She felt pressured by her partner to stay and finish the tournament with him rather than having another girl substitute in for her.  She wanted to but she was afraid she’d get in trouble with her dance instructor for not showing up to practice last minute.  Usually I encourage her to make her own decisions and accept its consequences.  Yesterday she couldn’t.  She was clearly distraught  and was afraid of  letting her badminton partner down as well as her dance teammates.  So The Big Oh & I had to fix this one for her.  The Big Oh told her dance teacher she wouldn’t be going to practice, I texted the other dance mom’s & apologized M1 would be a last minute no-show.  M1 stayed and played the tournament and won first place in mixed doubles.  Then she made it to the last 1/2 hour of dance practice.  All good right?  Well her high of winning her tournament quickly came crashing down when her dance teacher asked her “Why did she show up if she said she wasn’t coming!”.  Her teammates were angry at her b/c they had to  practice their dances without her.  She had to sit thru half an hour of  some harsh words and sour faces.  M1 apologized to her teammates & got no reaction back.  Her dance teacher would not re-run most of her dances because they had already practiced them without her.  She kept herself together until she came home and broke down crying.  She thought her teacher & teammates would have appreciated her effort to make it to practice when she could have just gone home.  Another day in the life of a teenaged dancer.  Hopefully when she goes to dance practice today everyone will have forgotten yesterday & it will be back to “normal”.

And M3?  She was very pleased she got 10/10 in her spelling dictation for the second week in a row!

Y.C.

P.S.  M2 was also very stressed last night.  After a day-long basketball tournament she also had 2 hours of dance practice.   She saw how her sister was being treated when she showed up and it upset her.  Seeing her sister cry bothered her.   She ended the night crying too because I asked her to put away some clothes, of course that was just an excuse to release the bottled up anger & frustration she was harbouring inside.  Just another normal day in my not-so-normal-life,

'Till We Meet Again

Two weeks ago a great man passed away.  He lived almost 80 great years.

It may not seem like it, but he has influenced my life like no other man has.  You see, he exemplified what a father, husband, brother, grandfather should be.  My husband is the man he is because he was taught about love and responsibility by this great man.  He made sacrifices for the people he loved - and not just for his children, but his wife, his siblings, his grandchildren, his daughter-in-laws, and son-in-laws.  This is what I witnessed for the past 24 years.  Watching him made me want to be a better daughter, daughter-in-law, wife and mother.

I lived with this great man for almost 15 years.  And although we had our differences which we debated over many times, I learned many lessons from him.  My children are better people having lived with him their entire lives.  The respect my children have for their family, the compassion they show towards the sick and elderly, and the love they have for each other - these things cannot be overtly taught.  My children learned invaluable lessons everyday and they also learn by the examples this man set.

I have told my children not to be sad.  Not to dwell on death.  I tell my children that dying is sad no matter what the circumstances, and where there is a beginning, there will always be an end.  Yes, sometimes the end is sooner than we envisioned or hoped for, but it is still inevitable.  I hope my children will remember the many happy times, the many life lessons, the loud laughter and the quiet moments we all shared. And if it is any solace to my girls he died just the way he wanted to - peacefully at home surrounded by the people he loved most.

His funeral was a celebration of his life.  There were photographs and music.  There were emotional words from the Big Oh.  There was lighthearted reflection from Uncle Pepe.  There were over 200 people in attendance followed by a buffet.   I know my father-in-law enjoyed a good family gathering/party and I think he would have been very happy seeing us on that day.

Y.C.

Girls Night Out

I was up late last night.  No, not insomnia.  I was out and I had a great time!  Haven’t had a late night out in awhile.  Yes, my body was tired but I spent a wonderful evening with some of my best friends - amazing ladies that I have laughed and cried with for almost 30 years!  Yesterday we laughed,  we laughed at cheesy song lyrics from ‘80’s & ‘90’s  love songs...

You’re a candle in the window in a cold dark winters night...

When I’m in your arms nothing seems to matter my whole world could shatter...

Hold me now touch me now I don’t want to live without you...Nothings gonna change my love for you,  You outta know by now how much I love you...

Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much & I have to close my eyes & hide,  I wanna hold you till I die, till we both break down & cry...

Ain’t no mistaking, it’s true love we’re making, something to last for all time, can’t you hear me i’m saying, I want you for the rest of my life...Together forever & never to part...

And of course anything from Air Supply.

There was some dancing to NKOTB & BSB too.

I say we laughed at these cheesy song lyrics but infact it was very nostalgic.  And really who am I kidding?  I love these songs,  These songs defined my whole teenage years and into my twenties.  These are my break-up songs, slow dance songs, and my wedding songs.  These are the songs on the mixed-tapes The Big Oh made for me!  And no matter how many songs or music my children make me listen to these days nothing is quite as good as the songs I listened to while growing up.

Cheers to old friends & sappy love songs!

Y.C.

Do’s - No Don’ts

Let me tell you how this works.

Don’t tell me to rest.
Don’t tell me what I can or cannot/should or should not do.
When I want to drive - let me drive.
When I want to cook - let me cook.
When I want to go shopping - let me go.
When I want to stay up late to watch a movie - let me watch.
Because I know one day, probably sooner than we are expecting, I won’t be able to do all these things and more.

I know it all comes from loving me, worrying about me, and hoping for me.  Hope that if I rest and save my energy I will get better?   What am I saving my energy for?  I’m not saving myself for anything.  I am going to use every ounce of energy I have each and every day because I really don’t know how many tomorrows I have left.  I am not being melodramatic.

There aren’t a lot of things I can do anymore so please let me do what I can and what I want to.
I can still wake up every morning and make my children their breakfast and help pack their lunch.  Granted some mornings it can only be cereal, and really my M1 is more than capable of making lunch for herself & her sisters.  But I can still do this and I want to do it!  I saviour these little things.  Right now, it’s all the little things that count.

Y.C.

Dance High

I’m writing this at 4:00 o’clock in the morning.  Wasn’t able to fall asleep tonight and it’s now too late to take a sleeping pill - I have to be up early for a rare weekend hospital appointment.  I guess it’s the adrenaline from this evening’s dance show I went to watch with M1.   It wasn’t that I was excited about the show (which I did enjoy）but I think my high is from  seeing how much M1 loved watching some of her favourite celebrity dancers AND GETTING TO MEET THEM after the show!

When M1 found out Travis Wall was bringing his Shaping Sound tour to our area she asked to go right away.  We bought these tickets 3 months in advance - something I really hesitated to do as I didn’t know what my “schedule” would be like or how I’d be feeling - I have written how difficult it is for me to plan anything more than a few weeks in advance. But I am so glad I put my worries aside this time.  I am so happy I was able to go with M1 tonight.   She was immersed in the music, story, and of course dance the entire evening.   At the end of the show she found out her friend that we went with got her a pass to meet the dancers backstage!  She was estatic!  I don’t think I’ve ever seen her fan-girl side come out like it did tonight!  It was the first time she met a “celebrity” - someone who’s work she’s been admiring for awhile now.

As soon as she got home she did what any normal girl her age would do - post her pics on IG - and the wave of messages started coming in.  For the next hour she juggled between answering all her messsages and telling the Big Oh and sisters what a fabulous time she had.

I am so happy I got to experience this evening with her.  These are the moments that I live for now.

Y.C.

A Movie Anyone?

I have to admit I’m a bit of a movie snob.
I love watching the Academy Awards presentations and I try to make a point of watching as many nominated films I can before the winners are announced.

2018 Oscar nominations were announced this morning & I’ve wstched 5 out of 9 of the Best Picture nominees so far:  The Shape Of Water, Get Out, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri, Lady Bird and Call Me By Your Name.  Of the four I didn’t watch, The Post, Dunkirk, Phantom Thread and Darkest Hour, Dunkirk is the only one I have no intention in watching - I have never been a fan of war films.  I have never been disappointed in any Tom Hanks or Daniel Day Lewis film so I’ll definitely try to watch The Post & Phantom Thread.  Seeing that Gary Oldman is the front runner for Best Actor (by virtue of winning both the Golden Globe & SAG) I will also try to watch Darkest Hour.

Of the 5 films I did watch my two favourite are Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri & Get Out  - which co-incidentally both have nominations for Best Director, Best Screenplay, as well as a handful of acting nods.   If I were to bet, I’d put my money on Three Billboards Outside Ebbbng Missouri to take home the big prize.  And it’s not just because it’s taken away Best Picture in almost all major awards up until now but because it truly is an entertaining film on multiple fronts.

I also enjoyed Lady Bird, particularly the acting of Saoirse Ronan & Laurie Metcalf.  A story that even if you don’t share the same experiences, demographics, or cultural background, you will recognize the feeling of trying to find yourself and your purpose in life as a young adult, or the feeling of of hopes, dreams, disappointments, and love you have as a mother.

I found The Shape Of Water very fairy-tale like.  A modern day Beauty & The Beast if you will.  There were gruesome parts in the movie as well as deeply loving ones as well.  I was drawn to the movie to see how it could work to have a human fall in love with a “monster” and in the fairy-tale sense it did work.

Call Me By Your Name was my least favourite one I watched.  Putting aside the picturesque scenery, the premise of a young persons first true love, and the amazing performance of Timothée Chalamet, I just couldn’t get past the unease of a 17 year old and a late 20-something year old’s summer affair right in home of the teenager’s parents.  I wonder how well received the movie would be if the older lover was a woman or if the teen had been a female instead of a male.

Now I think I’ll go watch The Post.

Y.C.

Waiting For My Turn

I’m at my weekly appointment now - waiting.  I’ve spent a lot of time waiting over the last 4 years - I should be used to it by now.  

I really dislike these weekly appointments - not that I’d like the appointments any better if it was less frequent.   I think what I’m trying to say is that coming weekly doesn’t give me a chance to feel “normal”.  When I was coming to the hospital every 3 or 4 weeks it was easier to “forget” I was sick.  I’d go to my appointment and after resting for 3-4 days, I could then go about my routines/activities for at least a couple of weeks without too much difficulty.

When my appointments were 3 weeks a part, I did what most moms with 3 young children would do: plan meals, go shopping, cook & clean.  I would take my kids to school & walk home with them.  I would go shopping with them, go out for a movie, a special meal or treat once-in-awhile.  I would go to their basketball games or track meets.  Occasionally I would even meet up with my own friends for lunch & we’d sit and chat for 2-3 hours.

It’s difficult to do all that now.  A week goes by so quickly & I barely have a chance to get my energy back before I start all over - waiting for my turn again.

Y.C.

And That's a Wrap!

The Christmas break of 2017/2018 is over. I don't want to go back to school. Over the winter break I did many things and here's what they are:

Day #1 (Saturday December 23rd 2017)
I went to a fancy dinner with my cousins. The restaurant was called The School Fine Dining. For an appetizer, I had fried calamari and it was good. As a main course, I had sea bass. That was also very good and I also had some of my sister's pasta. They had many desserts to choose from, but I chose the lava cake. Throughout dinner, we all talked, not that we don't ever talk, but some of my cousins have been away at university, so they can't come to our family gatherings during the other months.

Day #2 (Sunday December 24th 2017)
I went with my family and a few of my cousins to watch the ILLUSIONIST!! One act was a guy named Colin Cloud and he reads minds. I really like him because he was on America's Got Talent and he was really good there. There was also a daredevil that did crazy stunts like hanging himself upside down in a strait jacket on FIRE! There were many other acts as well, but those two stood out to me because they were cool and crazy. For dinner, we went to my Mom's old high school friend's house. It was kinda weird because all the kids there spoke Chinese and me and M1 did not know what was going on half the time!

Day #3 (Monday December 25th 2017 a.k.a. CHRISTMAS!)
I woke up early to helped my Mom with preparing food. As soon as everyone woke up, we opened up gifts. I got a stickbot animation toy, a gymnast game, chocolate, puzzle books, and an Illusionist shirt!  After all that, all of my cousins came over to my house and we ate lots of delicious food like pancakes, cookies, and many more! Then, we all gathered around and did our annual gift exchange. I got a rubiks cube magic set and MUJI pens!! At night, I went to my grandma's condo to swim and eat dinner.

Day #4 (Tuesday December 26th 2017)
I was supposed to go skiing with my cousins, but it was way too cold to go. Instead, we just stayed at home and went out for dinner.

Day #5 (Wednesday December 27th 2017)
We drove down to visit D and A. We helped them build a food truck toy, which was a lot of work. We ate dinner together and them opened presents. From my Cow Mo, I got a very pretty notebook and from my Cow Fu, I got a CRACK calendar! At night, we watched Rogue One and slept over.

Day #6 (Thursday December 28th 2017)
D and A didn't wake us up early! I even woke up before them and it was 9:00am! When we left we stopped at the movie theatre and watched Jumanji!! It was really good and very funny.

Day #7 (Friday December 29th 2017)
We went to  C and N's house to play. We played lots of games like Monopoly Deal, Sushi Go, Sardines and Foosball.

Day #8 (Saturday December 30th 2017)
We had our annual Christmas party! S arranged teams and games for everyone and the theme was YouTube challenges! First, we had to make a team name and a chant/theme song to go with it. Then, we played a games called Excuse Me, Do I Know You? What you had to do was see how much you know about you parent/kid/brother/sister etc. The last game we did was an eating contest. You had to lick the middle out of 3 oreos, dip them in milk , eat them all and then drink all the milk. Then, you had to high five your teammate and they would have to eat 4 crackers and then whistle.
After that, we all ate dinner together and chilled. At night we all played games together like foosball, hockey and Mafia.

Day #9 (Sunday December 31st 2017)
We were supposed to go out for dim sum, but it was way too cold. I went to the movie theatre to watch Pitch Perfect 3 with my cousins and it was pretty good. When we got back, we all ate Burmese noodles together. Later on, I went to my Auntie H's house to have  second dinner. There was lots of really good food there, my favourite was the crepes that she made with a special crepe maker and tools. We stayed at their house for the countdown to 2018.

Day #10 (Monday January 1st 2018)
I went to my friends house to work on a group drama presentation that we are performing the first day back to school! We finished about 10 minutes early, so we chiller out and played Bop It and Q-Bits.

Day #11 (Tuesday January 2nd 2018)
My Mom bought us our OWN crepe maker that is just like Auntie H's crepe maker!! So, we made crepes for breakfast, which were very delicious. In the afternoon, I went out with M1, M3 and my mom to watch Ferdinand. It was a good movie and funny.

Day #12 (Wednesday January 3rd 2018)
We stayed at home and chilled out. We watched Fuller House and did a horse jigsaw puzzle.

Day #13 (Thursday January 4th 2018)
We basically did the same as Wednesday except, instead of a horse puzzle, we did a candy puzzle.

Day #14 (Friday January 5th 2018)
It was another stay at home day. Me and M1 and M3 all played board games like Trouble and Pictionary.

Day #15 (Saturday January 6th 2018)
I went to the bank to get my own bank account thingie, but my card expired, so I have to wait for it to come in the mail. After that, M1, Big Oh and I went to Subway to eat lunch and dropped off M1 at a birthday party.

Day #16 (Sunday January 7th 2018)
In the morning, we just stayed at home and then in the afternoon, me, Big Oh and M3 went skating. It was very fun because I haven't skated in a long time.

Although I did MANY very fun and exciting things this break, I am very sad that the winter break is over because now I have to go back to school. I have to be prepared for a lot because my teacher said to us that we can't slack because we are going to have a bunch for assignments and tests.

Anyways, I am already looking forward to March Break so I can relax.

                                                                       M2

Big Oh's Almost Top Ten List of 2017

9) Family Trip to Florida
8) M1 makes the basketball team and badminton team
7) Watching my daughters dance; M3 can remember her choreography now and I was a prop dad - we're all improving
6) Our family attends a Blue Jays game live for the first time (Jays won)
5) M3 learns to play the piano
4) M2 makes the finals of the Markham Star Search competition
3) Our family Staycation in downtown Toronto - showing my daughters where we used to hang out in Chinatown; fancy dinner at the top of the CN Tower, and the screaming chicken
2) My three daughters - you bring us so much happiness, joy, and purpose
1) My beautiful wife - courageous, inspirational, and so much love


Big Oh

Almost Top 10 List Of 2017

Alright, I said I was going to make 2018 start off right.  And the only way to do that is with my annual Top 10 List where I reflect on the many blessings that I have this past year.

9) Old friends coming back into my life with thoughtful messages, coffee/breakfast/lunch dates, and encouraging words
8) A lot of family weddings this year, as well as new babies & baby announcements - reminds me what a blessing it is to have such a large extended family to share in life’s happiest moments
7) Watching my oldest nieces and nephews finishing their school careers and start their work careers & yet still being close with my kids and being amazing role models for them.
6) This summer we took our girls to visit some of the places where we grew up.  During our “staycation” we taught the kids that you don't need to spend a lot of money or go far away to try new things & create amazing family memories
5) Spending time with my family - a winter get-away in February to Florida
4) Watching M1 get out of her comfort zone and excel in different activities - basketball & badminton teams, poetry contests, music, just to name a few
3) M2 a finalist in Markham’s Got Talent
2) We’ve had some breakthrus with issues M3 was having over the last couple of years & seeing her try new things like piano lessons, art classes, sports, have been amazing
1) Big Oh - so much has changed but one thing remains constant is your love & support.

Y.C.