I’ve had a rough week. It’s been one of those weeks where every day is exhausting. By dinner time I feel like I’ve been treading water for eight hours and I’m using every ounce of energy just to keep my head above the water. I feel like I just want to close my eyes and go under - to let me body sink deep - so deep that I can’t see, hear, or feel anything that is going on around me. I know you’ve had this feeling too.
My exhaustion is usually a result of health. The exhaustion is physical but there is a huge mental/emotional aspect to it. Some days I have a good grasp of what is going on - I’m realistic and practical. I try to remain positive and count my many blessings. Some days I feel like I am drowning.
This week all three of my children have had a stressful week. Albeit these are only 8-13 year old stresses, but nonetheless my house has been in a state of highly charged emotions. I know I have difficulty calming their emotions when I don’t have a good handle on my own. But I try - like all of you out there - we try.
End of school year worries and woes have been plaguing M1 for a few weeks now and it finally culminated in a total after school meltdown this week. Hopefully that helped ease some of the built up anger, frustration & sadness that has been stewing inside her. And now that she had a chance to release the negative energy she can channel her positive energy to enjoying the remaining days left of school which includes her graduation.
M2 had a major school event that she helped organized, her annual track & field meet, and schoolwork & projects that were all due over the last couple of weeks. My perfectionist daughter always puts 110% in everything she does and is ill prepared for less-than-stellar results. She did well - she always does, but the stress of always needing to be on top of things can take its’ toil. Over dinner one night she also shed some tears. No - nothing to do with school work - it was because her friend said M2 was making her feel sad by being “better” friends with another girl. Here we go again with the pre-teen friendship problems (remember my posts about M1 and her friends)...We’ll just have to ride this out like the last one.
And of course my baby continues to test us. Test our boundaries. Test our love. Just as M1 is becoming more confident, M3 continues to need reassurance. I know a lot of her defiant, stubborn, sometimes even rebellious acts, is her search for her place in our family. It’s her way of being seen and heard in our often distracted life. I will be more patient. I will try harder - I promise.
And then there’s you. I haven’t forgotten about you. I know I put the needs of so many people before you. I know you feel like an afterthought on most days. I know you are stressed too. I know you are riding on an emotional rollercoaster and you feel you are riding it alone. I know what you are going through and you are not alone. I may not be able to get on and ride the rollercoaster with you but I’ll be right here when you get off. Just like how I know you’ll be waiting for me when I get out of the water.
Y.C.
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