Everyone Needs A Tribe

This is an except from a piece that came up in my FB feed today...Thanks to the beautiful, smart, supportive women in my “Tribe”.

“Behind every successful woman is a tribe. A tribe of other women who support her and love her and push her to be her absolute best but stick by her even when she’s at her absolute worst. A tribe of other women who could choose to compete, but take the higher, better road of collaboration instead. A tribe of other women who don’t just fix her crown, but also bend down to pick it up and dust it off when it’s fallen off. A tribe of other women who refuse to get jealous. Who refuse to compare. Who refuse to belittle or go low. Who refuse to gossip, or leave out, or hurt just to watch her crumble under the pressure.

A tribe of women who tell the truth. When it’s hard. When it’s easy. When it’s uncomfortable. When a lie would be the simpler road to travel.

A tribe of women who pick her up and put her back on her feet when she’s gone off-course. A tribe of women who have the courage to encourage her. A tribe of women who have the strength to strengthen her.

A tribe of other women who have her back, and her front, and her side, and her soul, and her spirit, and her heart, and her best interest in mind.” (Credit: This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Amy Weatherly.)

Y.C.

Burn The House Down?

The past few days my family has been dealing with a very stressful situation at home (which had nothing to do with my ongoing health problems, thank goodness).  As my children (and The Big Oh ) are freaking out I am trying to explain (convince) to them there are two immediate ways of looking at this problem.   One way is to panic and get upset & angry and think “Why does all the shit happen to me?  Why aren’t we getting a break? And why is god making my life so difficult?”   - All of these said by various members of my family at some point over the weekend.  I guess this would be the normal reaction under our circumstances.

I decided to attack this problem differently.   You see, I already have a terrible terminal disease.  What can be worse than that?  And even with unpromising test after test, and knowing my body is slowly deteriorating, I am still getting up everyday.  I can still talk to my children while I make breakfast & pack their lunches.  I am up & alert when they come home and tell me about their school day.  I can comb their long beautiful hair out for them before we tell bedtime stories & go to sleep.  Considering all that I’ve, WE’VE, been through there is nothing we can’t handle and fix together!  So the last few days has been a military-like methodical approach to fix our problem and get back to normal.  And finally yesterday night we were able to breathe a little easier knowing that we are on the right track and everything will be back to normal soon.

The last few days we’ve talked about resilience.  How each of us deals with problems, and how we “bounce back” from them.   We’ve talked about empathy - how we have treated others in the same situation, and how we are being treated now.  We talked about educating ourselves and knowing what are facts and what are urban myths or unnecessary hysterical behaviour - all of which we experienced in a mere 48 hours.

So whatever else’s in store for my family - BRING IT ON!

Y.C.

I'm STILL FULL From The Holidays

Today is the last day of Christmas holidays for my children.  It is not until the first day back at school do I feel the new year has truly begun.  Our holidays were filled with time spent with family and friends and LOTS of eating (as usual).  Here's a recap of the things we did and the food we ate and the people we spent it with....

Dec 22 - Our family celebrated Winter Solstice with a traditional Chinese "Dough-Ball Soup".   This is a family favorite - not necessarily because everyone enjoys the food (most of us do of course) but really because it always involves an afternoon of preparing the food together and then eating together.  For my children this usually marks the beginning of Christmas holiday activities with their cousins.

Dec 23 - We visited my father-in-law & then had dim sum with the family.  Holidays was always a convenient excuse for my father-in-law to have all his children and grandchildren together which is what he loved most.  There was always good food, loud talking and laughter, sometimes some Mahjong, and occasionally some arguments.  We miss him a lot.

Dec 25 - Our Christmas Day tradition is to have all of the siblings & cousins from the Big Oh's side come to open presents in our home and have lunch, and this year was no different.  Although there is a large age gap between my kids and their oldest cousins they still get along so well together.  The "big" kids have always made an effort to include the younger ones, whether it is to play along with their silly games, or to let them join in to get bubble tea, they never let anyone feel left out and are such amazing role models for my children.

In the evening we had a lovely dinner with a few of my dearest friends.  An amazing home cooked meal, wonderful company and some poker to finish off the night.

Dec 26 - It had been awhile since I had my parents and siblings to my place for dinner.  This year I decided to make a turkey which didn't turn out perfect, but was still a success in my book.   My brother and sister do not live as close to me as the Big Oh's so we don't spend as much time with them, but it was important to me to spend Christmas with them and it was a lovely way to finish off the year.

Dec 27 - I have extremely generous sister-in-laws and this evening was the first of two special dinners that were planned during the holidays.  We went to Fishman Lobster Clubhouse - the place where they serve their famous lobster mountain.  The seafood meal consisted of mountains of lobsters, crabs, oysters, and family favorites like sweet and sour pork and beef tenderloin.  Without a doubt some of the tastiest lobster and crab we've had, but with a bill of over $2000 this meal was definitely an indulgence - and not something we will be having anytime soon again!

Dec 29 - The Big Oh took M1 to her very first hockey game.  She was so excited!  She even made signs and went to the game early to watch them practice.  Too bad our home team lost 4-0.

Dec 30 - The Big Oh's annual Holiday party!  My kids look forward to this every year.  Always lots of people, lots of food, and lots of games.

Dec 31 - One of our very best friends hosted a New Year's eve party.  My girls have endearingly dubbed Auntie H.H.'s home as "Party Central".  As I've said before, this woman makes throwing a party for 40 people look like a breeze, she is amazing in so many ways!  The night was filled with yummy food, amazing company, and some party games for the kids.  Everyone had a blast - I couldn't think of a better way to end the year and kick off a new one!

Jan 1 - We just can't get enough of these people!   The New Year's eve party continued through to new year's day with some of us catching "Aquaman" in the afternoon and then meeting up for dinner in the evening - all 34 of us.  We went to Perfect Chinese Restaurant and although it wasn't "perfect" it was the company we were with that made the night.   Perhaps I'll do a restaurant review of it in another blog.

Jan 5 - The holiday ended with the first ski trip for M1 & M2 followed by the second fancy dinner treated by my other sister-in-law at Stakeout Dining.   Another amazing meal with an equally amazing price tag.   I'll have to do another write-up about this restaurant too.

And that's a wrap.  Happy New Year....2019 Here we come!

Y.C.

Big Oh's Top Ten List of 2018

10) Watching M1 and M2 dance in competitions.  M1 is becoming a more and more well-rounded dancer.  M2 has 2 moves named after her.

9) John Tavares signs with the Toronto Maple Leafs.

8) M3 performs at her first piano recital.  So nervous but she did a great job.

7) My siblings and my parents.  Why do I think of winning the lottery every week when I already have?

6) Playing card games and board games with M2.  Homer Simpson said no parent has ever enjoyed playing games with their children.  But I do now with M2.  I love watching her enthusiasm and the way she learns strategies.  I don't have to let her win anymore - she can do it on her own.

5) M3 gets her first ever trophy; for basketball.  She was so happy I almost cried.

4) M1 is chosen as valedictorian of her graduating class.

3) My father - I think about him everyday.  He is my real hero.  He did so much for me, my siblings, my family; and I couldn't do anything for him.  I miss him so much.

2) My three girls - you are my hope, my love, my life.

1) My beautiful wife.  Your strength and courage inspire me everyday.  You continue to think about the well-being of everyone around you, even when you should be taking time to pamper yourself.

Big Oh

Top Ten List Of 2018

Twenty-one days ago I wrote "Christmas Countdown" and now I'm writing my top ten list. The past 3 weeks have been a blur of friends, family, and food - we wouldn't want it any other way.

10) My Health - This may be a funny thing to put on my "Top Ten" list, but I am still here and I am grateful for that.

9) Therapy - This is also an odd one to put on my list and is difficult to explain. It is a work in progress but I know we need it.

8) My Kodi Box And Netflix - There were many days that I needed a break from "real life". On those days when I needed a distraction from scheduling of appointments, waiting for test results, thinking of the future, and living in the present, that little black box came through for me

7) Dance - This always appears on my list and this year is no different. M1 and M2 continue to grow and mature on stage, and are learning to use every inch of their body to express happiness and sorrow and everything in between. This summer they tried something different and I'm so proud of them for doing that

6) My Friends - And I have many. The ones who drive me to my appointments, and who let me complain to them & cry to them. The ones who laugh with me and share meals and long conversations with me. The ones who just know when to send a thoughtful message. There are too many to list, you know who you are.

5) My Family - They are the ones who quietly holds us up, keep my children safe, keep me and the Big Oh sane. They are the ones who we don't need to ask and things will get done for us. They fix things around the house for us, they'll pick up groceries for us if they see it on sale, they'll make soup and extra food for us, and never want or expect anything in return.

4) M2 - This year she joined her very first school sports team - basketball. She learned the game, practiced hard, and gave it her all on every shift she took. I'm so happy and proud that she tried out for the team because I know how difficult it can be for M2 to try something new, especially if it's something she doesn't think she'll be good at.

3) M3 - She also started playing basketball on a recreational league. She re-started swimming lessons and continued with her piano lessons. She is having fun and gaining life skills while searching for her passion, which I know she will find. Although both her sisters took piano lessons neither of them performed in a piano recital which M3 did this year. Seeing her overcome her nervousness and having her own spotlight was one of the best moments this year.

2) M1 - This was a big year for her. She worked hard all through her grade 8 year to get the best marks. She excelled on her sports teams and extra-curricular clubs. She made the honour roll, was the Leadership Award Recipient, and gave the Valedictorian Address at her graduation. She started high school and continues to strive to be the best she can be. And she finally got her braces off!

1) The Big Oh - You always make my list. You are always number 1. I've said "I'm sorry" to you a lot over the last 5 years. I'm sorry for saying I'm sorry all the time. I love you and I am here because of you.

Y.C.