My Current Song Choice

I think for most people, songs need to grow on you.  The first few times you hear a new song, it’s not that good or just okay.  But then after a while it starts getting better and better.  Then you end up spending a whole afternoon listening to it on repeat.  That happened to me quite often when I was in high school – the time when I kept up with the latest tunes.

One time (at band camp) I heard a song by Sally Yeh – Jook Fook (means to wish you good fortune).  It was the #1 song in Hong Kong in 1988, but I didn’t like it.  Then in 1991 I saw it being sung during the Miss Hong Kong pageant by a babe and it became one of my favourite songs.  It took 3 years – a record for how long it takes for a song to grow on me.  Now that record has been broken, and Sally Yeh is involved again.  It’s a duet in mandarin, with George Lam – her current husband, but they weren’t married when they first sang it in 1993 (I think it came out in 1993).  I didn’t think it was a good song at the time.  But now, 25 years later, I've listening to it on repeat for the past week.

The reason is that I can really identify with the lyrics.  They tug at my heartstrings.  Since it’s in mandarin, I wasn’t sure what all the words meant so I asked a friend to help me translate it.  The translation is below and there is also a link to a YouTube video.  A hundred of those views are probably from me over the last week.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G72QjOUrSJQ

Usually when I translate things, I like to translate the meaning but this time I’m going for a more literal translation of the words.  This way, if you read it without hearing the song, you can translate it back into Chinese and see how poetically powerful the lyrics are.

CHOICE

During the days when the winds get stronger,

I smile as I watch the flowers wilt.

During the season when the snow is dancing,

I raise my glass to the moon.

These kinds of feelings

This kind of road

We experienced them together.

[I hope that you can love me until the earth is old and the sky is barren.

I hope that you can accompany me to the corner of the seas where they meet the edge of the sky.

Even if everything repeats itself

I would not change my decision.

I chose you.

You chose me.

I will certainly love you as long as the lasting earth and the eternal heavens.

I will certainly accompany you until the seas are dry and the rocks have eroded.

Even if I could go back into the past

That would still be my only decision.

I chose you.

You chose me.

This is our choice.]

Spring has left, autumn is gone.

Bid farewell to today, another tomorrow.

Day after day passes, month after month, year after year.

Our hearts do not change.

Repeat [ ]

I choose you.

You choose me.

This is our choice.

******************

Big Oh

Graduation #1

Today was M1’s graduation day.
I thought I would cry but I didn’t.
I was excited.  I was relieved.  I was thankful.  I was proud.  I was happy.
Not too long ago I had my doubts as to whether I’d see this day.  And in the big picture of things - this thing called “life” - today is only a small part of it.  But these days it’s the little things that matter most.

Y.C.

Just A Couple Of Weeks

I’ve had a rough week.  It’s been one of those weeks where every day is exhausting.  By dinner time I feel like I’ve been treading water for eight hours and I’m using every ounce of energy just to keep my head above the water.  I feel like I just want to close my eyes and go under - to let me body sink deep - so deep that I can’t see, hear, or feel anything that is going on around me.  I know you’ve had this feeling too.

My exhaustion is usually a result of  health.  The exhaustion is physical but there is a huge mental/emotional aspect to it.  Some days I have a good grasp of what is going on - I’m realistic and practical.  I try to remain positive and count my many blessings.  Some days I feel like I am drowning.

This week all three of my children have had a stressful week.  Albeit these are only 8-13 year old stresses, but nonetheless my house has been in a state of highly charged emotions.  I know I have difficulty calming their emotions when I don’t have a good handle on my own.  But I try - like all of you out there - we try.

End of school year worries and woes have been plaguing M1 for a few weeks now and it finally culminated in a total after school meltdown this week.  Hopefully that helped ease some of the built up anger, frustration & sadness that has been stewing inside her.  And now that she had a chance to release the negative energy she can channel her positive energy to enjoying the remaining days left of school which includes her graduation.

M2 had a major school event that she helped organized, her annual track & field meet, and schoolwork & projects that were all due over the last couple of weeks.  My perfectionist daughter always puts 110% in everything she does and is ill prepared for less-than-stellar results.  She did well - she always does, but the stress of always needing to be on top of things can take its’ toil.  Over dinner one night she also shed some tears.  No - nothing to do with school work - it was because her friend said M2 was making her feel sad by being “better” friends with another girl.    Here we go again with the pre-teen friendship problems (remember my posts about M1 and her friends)...We’ll just have to ride this out like the last one.

And of course my baby continues to test us.  Test our boundaries.  Test our love.  Just as M1 is becoming more confident, M3 continues to need reassurance.  I know a lot of her defiant, stubborn, sometimes even rebellious acts, is her search for her place in our family.  It’s her way of being seen and heard in our often distracted life.  I will be more patient.  I will try harder - I promise.

And then there’s you.  I haven’t forgotten about you.  I know I put the needs of so many people before you.  I know you feel like an afterthought on most days.  I know you are stressed too.  I know you are riding on an emotional rollercoaster and you feel you are riding it alone.  I know what you are going through and you are not alone.  I may not be able to get on and ride the rollercoaster with you but I’ll be right here when you get off.  Just like how I know you’ll be waiting for me when I get out of the water.

Y.C.

Another One Of Those Parenting Blogs...

It’s Friday.  It’s the day I usually catch up on writing long emails or texts to friends or scrolling through my feed to find something interesting to read.  It’s the day I need to find something to kill 3-4 hours of hospital waiting time.  I read another parenting blog.  And I wonder to myself, “Do parents really need to be reminded of these things?”   It seems so obvious but after second thought, sometimes it the most obvious that we tend to overlook in our stressful, highly charged, jam-packed day.    Here is the article I read today:

13 Habits That Raise Well Adjusted Kids

1) Boundaries
In my words “Rules & Respect”.  I admit I really don’t have a lot of  rules that are absolute.  We believe that there can be exceptions to rules and we teach are children to adapt and be flexible to extenuating circumstances.  The one thing the Big Oh & I do feel strongly about is being respectful to people, particularly older generation relatives, teachers, our friends.  We have ingrained in our children that relatives & our friends need  to be greeted & acknowledged when we see them and NOT by their first names!  Unually ‘Auntie’ or ‘Uncle’ if the relationship is close or a Ms/Mr/Miss.  And although conversations between children and adult family members & friends are encouraged my kids know they are not their “friends” and the dialogue must always remain respectful.

2) Routines
Let’s take routines one step further and include Traditions too.  So important for my family.  From the more mundane routines like showering every night before dinner, and snacks & homework right after school, to the “ fun” Saturday night badminton sessions and annual Christmas & Chinese New Year parties & dinners we are not short of routines & traditions.  Routines and traditions means a  safe place for them.  These are assurances that whatever goes on in this sometimes crazy, chaotic and uncertain world there will always be things that they can count on or look forward to at home.

3) Early Bedtimes
Let’s just say we try our best at this one.

4) Empathy
This one is so hard to teach!  I feel that empathy is almost unteachable unless the child is actually experiencing something (usually unpleasant or sad) which we can draw their feelings from.  Does a 6 year old really know how it feels to be left out until he/she has been left out themself?  Does an 11 year old know how it feels to see a loved one get sick or die until he/she has also has the same experience?  As a parent you never want to see your child hurt or sad but it’s a right of passage for everyone.

5) Hugs
I hug my children all the time.   I also hold their hands.  I kiss them.  And tell them I love them and am proud of them when they work hard to accomplish something.  We also have the occasional “sleepovers” or play “musical beds” when a child has been watching a scary movie, has a nightmare, or maybe just because we feel like it.  These things aren’t going to change anytime soon and I highly recommend it.

6) Playful Parents
I would say we’ve got a good grasp at playing with our kids but even the best of us need to be reminded to put the phone down and give our kids our undivided attention.  And yes it’s hard - especially when it’s the umpteenth time playing Crazy 8’s!  

7) Outdoor Time
How about “Unstructured Outdoor Time”.   Often I’ll find M1 shooting baskets in the front, the other two riding their bikes, and now that spring is here I’m sure they’ll be asking to go to the park very soon.  And they’re now old enough to go on their own - BONUS!!

8) Chores
My kids do chores.  For those who think their kids can’t do it - THEY CAN!  And if they don’t do as well as you would,  well maybe not, but so what?  That’s something I’ve learned and accepted out of necessity.

9) Screen Time Limits
Here’s another one where I don’t have set rules other than the very obvious no devices during meals.  It is obvious, isn’t it?

10) Experiences (Not Things)
I think we do well on this aspect...the reason really is that we don’t have the money to buy a lot of expensive things.  My children never had the latest gadgets or the trendy clothes.   Now that the oldest is a teenager she really doesn’t ask for anything special.

11) Slow Moving Days
This goes hand-in-hand with #7 Outdoor Time.   I’ve been know to tell my kids that “Today is a stay-home-do-nothing day”.   Or another one of my favourites,  “Learn to be bored - it’s good for you”.   Or “I’m not playing with you today.  Go find something to do yourself”.  I don’t use these lines often but I agree slow moving days are a necessity in this hyper-active over-scheduled life we live.

12) Books To Read To Them
I love reading.  I’ve loved it all my life and have read to my children since they were born.  All my children are excellent readers and are turning out to be great writers too.  Reading & writing well makes school work so much easier for them.  I hope these skills will go beyond the school classroom setting.

13) Music
Only recently have I seen the benefits of early piano lessons for M1.   And these benefits didn’t even materialize until after she stopped lessons for a few years.  Music can be therapeutic, an outlet, a stress-reliever.  I hope my younger ones will come to appreciate music and use it the same way M1 has.

Y.C.