It’s Friday. It’s the day I usually catch up on writing long emails or texts to friends or scrolling through my feed to find something interesting to read. It’s the day I need to find something to kill 3-4 hours of hospital waiting time. I read another parenting blog. And I wonder to myself, “Do parents really need to be reminded of these things?” It seems so obvious but after second thought, sometimes it the most obvious that we tend to overlook in our stressful, highly charged, jam-packed day. Here is the article I read today:
13 Habits That Raise Well Adjusted Kids
1) Boundaries
In my words “Rules & Respect”. I admit I really don’t have a lot of rules that are absolute. We believe that there can be exceptions to rules and we teach are children to adapt and be flexible to extenuating circumstances. The one thing the Big Oh & I do feel strongly about is being respectful to people, particularly older generation relatives, teachers, our friends. We have ingrained in our children that relatives & our friends need to be greeted & acknowledged when we see them and NOT by their first names! Unually ‘Auntie’ or ‘Uncle’ if the relationship is close or a Ms/Mr/Miss. And although conversations between children and adult family members & friends are encouraged my kids know they are not their “friends” and the dialogue must always remain respectful.
2) Routines
Let’s take routines one step further and include Traditions too. So important for my family. From the more mundane routines like showering every night before dinner, and snacks & homework right after school, to the “ fun” Saturday night badminton sessions and annual Christmas & Chinese New Year parties & dinners we are not short of routines & traditions. Routines and traditions means a safe place for them. These are assurances that whatever goes on in this sometimes crazy, chaotic and uncertain world there will always be things that they can count on or look forward to at home.
3) Early Bedtimes
Let’s just say we try our best at this one.
4) Empathy
This one is so hard to teach! I feel that empathy is almost unteachable unless the child is actually experiencing something (usually unpleasant or sad) which we can draw their feelings from. Does a 6 year old really know how it feels to be left out until he/she has been left out themself? Does an 11 year old know how it feels to see a loved one get sick or die until he/she has also has the same experience? As a parent you never want to see your child hurt or sad but it’s a right of passage for everyone.
5) Hugs
I hug my children all the time. I also hold their hands. I kiss them. And tell them I love them and am proud of them when they work hard to accomplish something. We also have the occasional “sleepovers” or play “musical beds” when a child has been watching a scary movie, has a nightmare, or maybe just because we feel like it. These things aren’t going to change anytime soon and I highly recommend it.
6) Playful Parents
I would say we’ve got a good grasp at playing with our kids but even the best of us need to be reminded to put the phone down and give our kids our undivided attention. And yes it’s hard - especially when it’s the umpteenth time playing Crazy 8’s!
7) Outdoor Time
How about “Unstructured Outdoor Time”. Often I’ll find M1 shooting baskets in the front, the other two riding their bikes, and now that spring is here I’m sure they’ll be asking to go to the park very soon. And they’re now old enough to go on their own - BONUS!!
8) Chores
My kids do chores. For those who think their kids can’t do it - THEY CAN! And if they don’t do as well as you would, well maybe not, but so what? That’s something I’ve learned and accepted out of necessity.
9) Screen Time Limits
Here’s another one where I don’t have set rules other than the very obvious no devices during meals. It is obvious, isn’t it?
10) Experiences (Not Things)
I think we do well on this aspect...the reason really is that we don’t have the money to buy a lot of expensive things. My children never had the latest gadgets or the trendy clothes. Now that the oldest is a teenager she really doesn’t ask for anything special.
11) Slow Moving Days
This goes hand-in-hand with #7 Outdoor Time. I’ve been know to tell my kids that “Today is a stay-home-do-nothing day”. Or another one of my favourites, “Learn to be bored - it’s good for you”. Or “I’m not playing with you today. Go find something to do yourself”. I don’t use these lines often but I agree slow moving days are a necessity in this hyper-active over-scheduled life we live.
12) Books To Read To Them
I love reading. I’ve loved it all my life and have read to my children since they were born. All my children are excellent readers and are turning out to be great writers too. Reading & writing well makes school work so much easier for them. I hope these skills will go beyond the school classroom setting.
13) Music
Only recently have I seen the benefits of early piano lessons for M1. And these benefits didn’t even materialize until after she stopped lessons for a few years. Music can be therapeutic, an outlet, a stress-reliever. I hope my younger ones will come to appreciate music and use it the same way M1 has.
Y.C.
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