A Different Kind of Dream

Some time ago I decided my intention for this blog would be to share memories of YC, memories from a long time ago.  I wanted my daughters to see how Mommy was before she got sick.  But my "I Had a Dream" post a few days ago was about me and how I was feeling.  In a moment of weakness I pressed the "Publish" button.  Afterwards, I regretted it somewhat because I didn't want my girls to know how I was feeling.  Some of you who read the blog sent me an email to cheer me up and I want to thank you for that.  It's okay to feel sad sometimes.  We learn to cope.

So this blog is going to be about me again, and how I cope.  Those visions I wrote about in the prior post can be quite disruptive when they appear between 4:00 AM and 7:00 AM.  When that happens, I almost never go back to sleep.  So I learned to "change the channel" and dream about a different kind of dream.

I think about past Stanley Cup Playoffs and how they should have ended. Calgary should have beaten Tampa Bay in 2004, San Jose could have won in 2008, and of course Toronto should have won in 1993.  I think of how certain goals could have been scored, who made the pass, what the commentators would say, what the headlines would be in the papers the next day.  Then at some point, I fall asleep, before the final game plays out in my mind.

Let me give you a recent example (non-hockey fans can skip to the end).  In the 2021 playoffs, Ilya Mikheyev should have scored into the open net in the dying seconds of Game 5 against Montreal.  The Leafs would face Winnipeg in Round 2 and the commentators would be saying both teams just won 4 games in a row.  Who will extend that streak?  Well, it's my dream so the Leafs extend their winning streak to 5.  But they haven't really been challenged to that point so they ease up a bit mentally and fall behind 3-1 in the series.  Captain John Tavares somehow finds the determination to play after he suffered a concussion and knee injury 3 weeks ago.  The Leafs win the next 3 with Tavares getting the OT winner in Game 7.  Next up is Tampa (Montreal played Vegas next but the seeding would have been different had the Leafs won) and somehow the Leafs win the first 3 games and the series in 5.  But everyone agrees it was a tough series that could have gone either way as 4 games went to OT and the fifth was sealed by Zach Hyman's empty netter.  In the finals, we face the Big Bad Bruins again.  Having been through 2 tough series, the Leafs are now battle hardened and take a 2-0 series lead.  Boston takes Game 3, prompting commentators to point out that the Leafs had won 3 consecutive games in every series but will not be able to do so this time.  The Leafs win in 5 and Joe Thornton gets the Cup winner in OT, against the team that drafted him first overall.  Jack Campbell takes home the Conn Smythe.

Now that I got that off my chest ... sweet dreams.

Big Oh

I Had a Dream

Shortly after YC and I started dating, I had a dream - a life goal, if you will.  It was a simple dream.  There were visions of myself and YC getting married, raising a family, having dim sum, attending parties with family and friends.  As my dream progressed, I pictured ourselves being lazy on a Sunday afternoon, sometimes we played in the park with our kids, played MJ with our relatives.  Then when we retired, we would take walks in a mall and eat at the food court, take the bus to the casino, watch Chinese dramas at night. Then maybe we'd go on a trip once in a while.

I didn't think this was too extravagant of a dream.  I wasn't asking for a lot.  I've seen many relatives and family friends live out this so called "dream".  I wasn't asking to be a movie star or celebrity or to travel the world.  I just wanted to grow old together with the woman I love.  But now I won't be able to do that.  And that is what eats away at my soul.

Big Oh