Encore Performance

Today (June 5^th, 2020) is the 21^st wedding anniversary for YC and me.  Needless to say, I’ve been thinking about her a lot the past few months.  And the thoughts run the entire spectrum from happy to sad.  I would like to share one of the happier ones today.

Back in 2000, we attended a Leslie Cheung concert.  He is YC’s favourite singer.  It was his last concert – the one where he came out and embraced his homosexuality.  For this reason, it was a really fun concert.  He was being himself and he was just singing for the pure joy of it – one last time with his fans.  You could tell he was having a good time and not necessarily doing a “job”.

We had pretty good seats – they were on the ground level and probably the second tier.  That allowed us to get to the mini-dance floor in front of the stage.  And that’s what we did during the encore.  Leslie called for everyone to get up and dance during his H2O medley.  Since he did this concert in Hong Kong, we already had the bootleg CD and knew that he was going to do this.  The songs in the medley were from Leslie’s earlier albums so hearing those songs was a great blast from the past.  They’re also fast, upbeat songs.  And the thing about fast Leslie Cheung songs is that you can’t help but get up and dance.  I know this is strange coming from someone like me who has no sense of rhythm.  But if his songs can have that effect on me, imagine what they can do for those who are musically inclined.

Anyway, when Leslie started his H2O medley, YC grabbed my hand and we raced to the dance floor in front of the stage.  It was extremely crowded but we didn't care.  We were all being wild and crazy fans, dancing and screaming in ecstasy.  The atmosphere and energy were amazing, unreal, awesome.  As each song morphed into the next – H2O, 少女心事 (Young Girl’s Thoughts), 第一次 (The First Time), 不羈的風 (Unruly Wind), we all cheered the new arrival.  (Think like a fan of Friends going to see a Jennifer Aniston press conference and then have the rest of the Friends cast show up, one by one.)

For those 7+ minutes, YC and I danced without a care in the world, just enjoying the moment.  This night created such a wonderful memory for us and we often reminisced about how great “The Encore” was.  So my love, if you are reading this, I know you will be smiling with me.  Happy Anniversary.

Big Oh

No More Top Ten

I’m not doing a Top Ten list this year.   We all know the top spots are always going to be taken by my three beautiful girls and The Big Oh.  And of course they are followed by my family and friends.   Some things won’t ever change.  But I do have two great memories from this year...

- taking my girls to NYC during March Break, watching HAMILTON & ALADDIN on Broadway, and M3’s special time with The Big Oh at The American Girl Store where she got her first American Girl doll.

- the very fancy family wedding in Orlando Florida this summer, where my girls got to meet & hang out with my side of the family (which they hardly ever do)

This holiday season has been bittersweet.   I got to do what I wanted most, which was to spend a lot of time with The Big Oh & my girls.  But there were/are still many dinners, lunches, and parties that I wished I could’ve attended.   There are still so many family & friends I wish I had the time & energy to spend some more quality time with.

Wishing everyone a happy & healthy 2020!

Words

How do you talk to a dying person?  The conversations don’t have to be full of tears, missed opportunities, unfulfilled dreams, or regrets.  Sometimes silence is comforting.

Pain doesn’t need to always be acknowledged - it can be understood without words.  What comforts me the most is hearing how life goes on in-spite of all that is happening in my little cocoon because in the end isn’t that what we all want?   We want to know that even if we are not here, the people we love will continue to move forward and seize their opportunities.  They will continue to dream big and do everything possible to fulfill them.   They will love harder and live with more conviction and count their blessings everyday

Y.C.

September

From a young age we are all conditioned to think about and plan for our future.  Even as early as primary school when you get those assignments that ask you to complete the sentence, “When I grow up I want to be...”  we are already told to dream big and anything is possible.  As we leave childhood and enter our teenage years the days of dreaming to be a princess or a rock star make way for more practical vocations like say, an accountant or a teacher.   Life is always about thinking, planning, and dreaming ahead.

When I was younger I was full of ideas of what kind of working career I wanted.  When I was dating in my early twenties I would ponder if each potential candidate would make a good life-partner.  And when I found THE ONE (yes, The Big Oh) my head was filled will all the possibilities our future would hold.  Now that I have children my dreams, my future, are almost always in the context of their dreams and their future, and what role can I play in it.

But “Life” has a mind of it’s own.   My life, my dreams, and my future has been turned upside down, turned inside out, and thrown around so much over the last few years that I’ve lost my sense of direction.  Most days I don’t know whether I’m moving forward, falling down, or at a standstill.  

September to me marks a new year more so than January in many ways.   The kids start a new grade, new teachers, even a new school.   A new dance season starts.  I’m back to organizing and purging all  the summer clothes to make way for the fall and winter ones.  And it’s just a logical time to de-clutter and tidy my home.  So during this week I have been doing all that plus helping my children move forward with their busy lives - talking and listening to them tell me about all the new things they are planning for this year - and fortunately I haven’t had much time to dwell on my own stagnant life. Through their excitement, their plans and their dreams, I can see so much potential in them and I am able to see a beautiful future - regardless of whether I am in it or not.  And that makes me happy.

So for those of you who got thrown a curveball, fell off the wagon, hit a bump, or in the middle of your own whirlwind; for those of you who may have to re-think the path you are taking, or may even had your dreams shattered; look for your inspiration to continue to dream for a (new) beautiful future.

Y.C.

A School Year to Remember

The school year is officially over. This year has been a bit rough. I was told at the beginning that grade 7 was pretty much like grade 6. I was relieved as grade six had been tough so I thought I was prepared and it would be smooth sailing. Well I thought wrong. Yes it was pretty much like grade 6 with some added on information here and there, but my teacher was the issue. Yes that may sound harsh but it's the truth. We had lots of fun during the year, but as a teacher, she should be teaching us. She did not. 

We just got worksheet after worksheet after worksheet. And if I'm being honest the worksheets taught me more than she did and she didn't even make them. She bought the worksheets from an online source! 

Then we would get tests and assignments that everyone in the class would struggle with because she didn't teach us anything. She expected us to know what to do and how to do everything on our own. We would get the tests back and she would tell us she was surprised or disappointed with the marks. The only reason why I got high marks was because I got help from other people that weren't her!   

That then leads me to my next point. She never marked any of our work. She only marked the things that she needed to put on our report card. Other things would just go to waste. There were 40+ items that she did not mark throughout the entire year  (yes I did make a list)! Yesterday I got my report card. I was so disappointed with myself in art. I got a 78%. My teacher always talks about how different people do well in different ways, some people do well during tests, others do well in presentations. So I know I got a 78% on sketching, but we had two other assignments that I thought that I did much better than a 78%. But she did not mark them. She never gave it back to us with a mark. Those other two art projects could have boosted up my art my IF she marked them. Every time we asked her if she brought any marked work she would say she forgot or she was busy the night before. Then we would ask if she could bring the work the next day and she would say she would then never bring it or she would say something like I will try but I might forget. Honestly, this is your job isn't it? What else are you busy with? She isn't married nor has children so there is no hold up at home so I do not understand why she doesn't have time to mark our work. My class did the same exact things as the other grade 7 class. We did the same assignments, had the same worksheets at the same exact time as us and we were only a day or two off of our lessons. My friends from the other class would be getting all their work back within a week of handing it in and they would ask me whether I got it back and I didn't. It was tough. I would say "Oh we'll probably get it back soon" but as the year progressed, I realized it was not going to happen. So now there I was so sad that my friends were talking about they did this right and did this wrong and I stressing every time they talked about marks questioning whether I got it wrong. By the time March came around, my classmates and I realized that whatever she assigned to us wasn't going to come back to us with a mark, as we still didn't have things back from November (which by the way I don't have back now that school is over). 

She doesn't know how to teach either (which probably explains why she just gives us worksheets). We had a probability test a few weeks ago. There was one question that no one in my class got correct. So someone asked her to explain to us how to solve it. She responded with "Umm...I've got to think about how to word it...I'll get back to you". Like, how do you not know how to solve a problem that YOU put on the test YOU are assigning to your students??? She never got back to us. 

Then there was another question where she said the answer was 9/50 and there were students in the class (including me) who argued that the answer was 2/5. Now these are two totally different fractions. 18% vs. 40%...Totally different. When we showed her how we solved it she had to call in the other grade 7 teacher who also thought it was 9/50. In the end my teacher was like "Ohhh...I see. I'm just going to mark them both as correct." Then I said, "I don't think they both can be correct because they are two totally different fractions." She replied saying "At this point I'm going to just mark them both as correct, so do you want the mark or not?" So I just left it, but seriously? 

Another thing that bothers me is that she would always tell us how behind we are and there at so many things we still need to get through before the year ends. But the thing is she always pushes things back and gets side tracked with other unimportant things. And then when the first week of June comes around and we have 10 assignments/tests because report cards are due and she needs a mark for us. So pretty much all the things we did from February to May didn't mean anything because she only marked the things she needed for our report card. All the other tests/assignments were just thrown out the window. 

But what can I do now? The year is over. Nothing about my marks can be changed. I just have to hope that the future students don't have to experience what I did, including M3. 

M2

Another Dance Season Done

Dance season has wrapped up and my family can start to have a normal schedule again.  We can also have dinner every night together and will not have to plan weekend activities around dance practices for the next 4 months (more or less).   Every year I think it is the best year ever but that’s because my girls improve and “best-themselves” every single year - this year is no different.  Their routines are not only more technically difficult but they are also learning to become more emotionally invested in the music selection and their movements.  It is really very beautiful to watch.

My children are so lucky to have so much love and support of their aunts and uncles.  I have mentioned our siblings many times, and everyone knows how important they are in our lives.    But to come out year after year, multiple times a season, and to even know the names and characteristics of the OTHER dancers on my daughters team - I’m not sure how many aunts and uncles can be THAT interested and involved.  So a very special shout out to Uncle KaKa and his wife - she even took time off work AND re-scheduled her weekly grocery shopping routine so she wouldn’t miss my girls solos.   Thank you and we love you!

Y.C.

Randomness

Recently I had a few friends who messaged me to chit-chat and some of the things we wrote about got me thinking.  Here are some of my random thoughts on random things....

Sometimes just getting good grades, or being the good, obedient one that follows all the rules, may not always get you the recognition you feel you deserve.  You need to promote yourself & your abilities, and be vocal about what you want instead of waiting around for someone to notice you.

Being vocal and speaking up doesn’t mean you have to be obnoxious - you can advocate for yourself and still be modest and likeable.

Normal, healthy, fourteen year olds should NOT be afraid to take public transit.

Our lives are so busy & filled with so much anxiety already.  There are so many things we “have” to do; in our limited free time when we do get to choose, we need to be selective and do things that will give us joy, or at the very least calmness.  When it is our free time, the only obligation we should have is to ourself - to be the best, healthiest, happiest person we can be.

The relationships we have doesn’t need to look like what society/culture/peers deems to be normal.  If the interactions are comfortable, not contrived, and everyone involved is content, then just accept that it is a normal and healthy relationship that is working for you right now.

When children mis-behave they need to be disciplined.   They need rules and punishments.  They need to know expectations, and they need to be accountable for their actions.   Children need predictability and when all of this is done with reasoning they will feel safe and loved.  Some children just need to be spanked.  And some need therapy.

Spend time with people that give you joy.  But it’s OK to say “no” to those same people once-in-awhile because we all need quiet time too.   Don’t be so insecure - I still love you!

Parents shouldn’t have to watch their children die.   Is it terrible of me to wish my parents die before I do?   Who even thinks about this stuff except me?

I see a lot of really sick people.  Seeing them reminds me how lucky I am to be alive, and reminds me that I could be a lot worse.  How wrong is that?  I’m using other people’s pain to console myself & make myself feel better.

Y.C.