The Future Is Now

Today I read about "Harry Potter & The Cursed Child" opening on Broadway.  Previews start March 2018.  Hopefully it'll be a long run, and if London, England was any indication, anyone wanting tickets better be buying them months in advance.  The same has been happening to the musical "Hamilton" over the last couple of years - tickets are sold out half a year in advance.  Unfortunately I won't be buying tickets.  I don't know what I'll be doing or where I'll be - I can't fathom planning anything that far out.

I get envious of friends who tell me about their vacation plans.  Especially the ones who take months or years to plan for the big once-in-a-lifetime trips.  Or booking fabulous cruises a year in advance to get the best deals.

Don't get me wrong, I do think about things.  Sometimes I think about how I would celebrate milestone birthdays or anniversaries.  And like all parents I picture my children graduating from high school or university.  Of them getting married and having children of their own.

But I wouldn't DO any actual planning...

I hate not being able to plan anything.

I hate not being able to plan for the future.

I live day to day.  Week to week.  Right now the only things I'm planning for are these endless hospital visits & doctors' appointments - until when?   I keep telling myself it's good that I'm still here.   That it's good I've made it another month.  That I can still be treated.  That there's still something to keep me alive.  But I don't just want to be alive.  I want to LIVE.

I may get judged for not being grateful and for not appreciating what I already have; that there are so many people sicker and worse off than I, and what they would give to trade places with me.  I know all this.  I really do.  I tell myself this everyday.  I see what a wonderful life I have everyday.  But today...I want to see a future.

Y.C.

P.S.  I have to give credit to Uncle Pepe for the title "The Future Is Now".  He used to have a T-shirt that the Big Oh made fun of all the time.  I couldn't think of a title for this blog - and then this just popped in my head (I don't know why but it made me laugh).