Give Me My Report Card!

It’s the last day of school today and my daughters brought home their school work.  One thing was missing – their report cards.  The teachers’ union has carried out many actions over the years which have upset me and given me small fits of rage.  But this latest move fills me with disgust.  Other than withholding the actual instruction (i.e. going on strike) the next worst thing is withholding the feedback.  Sure, you can argue most students and parents should already have an idea of how the student is doing based on homework and test scores throughout the year.  And the parents can arrange a meeting with the teacher to discuss the progress, but I feel the report card is a good tangible item that validates everything.  It also gives the students a good record, should they choose to keep them over their entire school career.

Then we find out that the report cards have actually been completed.  They’re just not giving them out.  The principal has the report cards and he/she can enter them into the computer system and send them out.  This way the union can still claim that the teachers did their job.  Is this supposed to make me feel better about teachers and their union?  No, it makes me more upset.  Any time the teachers’ union takes action, it’s the children that suffer.  When they cut extra-curricular activities, I can at least understand a little bit why they are doing it.  First of all, they are by definition, outside the regular curriculum and I am thankful that the teachers normally give their time to the students for that.  Secondly, cutting extra-curricular activities reduces their workload, which is what employees in negotiations would want to do – that is understandable, albeit unfortunate that the students miss out.  But getting back to the report cards, the fact that the teachers completed them but just won’t enter them into the system and hand them out is despicable.  This action does not save them any time or work.  It does not hurt the Liberal government or the Ministry of Education.  All it does is hurt the little children.

To me, not getting report cards is like not getting a ribbon/trophy at the end of a tournament.  Sure, the participants all know who won but it’s still nice to have something to display on the mantle at home.  How about having a birthday party for your child but no cake?  “Oh, I baked you a cake, but I’m just not allowed to give it to you.”  I don’t think any parent would want that to happen to their children.  So how can the teachers vote to carry out this action?  There are many teachers who are also parents, right?  How can they deprive their children of their report card?  Is there no teacher with enough decency and courage to stand up to the union and say, “This is wrong.  There’s got to be another way to settle this.”?  We always hear about how we need laws to protect children – the most vulnerable members of our society.  Yet we have laws that allow the teachers’ union to bully our children.  And do I need to point out the irony of the teachers preaching anti-bullying to our children during the year?

Having said all that, I do know that there are some good teachers out there – I’ve met a few as a student and as a parent.  They have expressed their regret at these situations and they just want to teach the kids.  So I’ve tried to be careful in this writing to call out the teachers’ union and not point the finger at teachers.  To the teachers’ union I want to tell you an old Chinese phrase.  (The effectiveness gets a little lost in translation but it sounds really cool in Chinese.)  “Face/respect – others will give that to you; humiliation – you earn that yourself.”  You’ve really disgraced yourself to the parents, students, and the general public this time.  To paraphrase the late great Pat Burns after Barry Melrose allegedly ordered Marty McSorley to elbow Doug Gilmour in the 1993 playoffs, “I lost a lot of respect for the teachers’ union tonight!"

One final thought for the summer: Perhaps the teachers' union can make good use of the next two months by having its members protest at Queen’s Park (or the Honourable Liz Sandals’ house) to lobby for what they want – be it smaller class sizes, more prep time, more autonomy during prep time, or whatever demands you may have.  This is the best time to negotiate because no children will be inadvertently held hostage by your actions.  Tell you what, if you do this over the summer, I will join you to show support.

Big Oh

Being 'Friendly' vs. Being 'Friends'

The Big Oh says that I sometimes have the tendency to be too friendly.  Usually I disagree but this most recent experience has made me reconsider.

A couple of weeks ago M2 had a birthday party at home.  When the parents started to come pick up their children at the end of the party the kids still wanted to stay and play, which I was fine with since we had no other plans for the day.  I invited each parent to come in for some cake & drinks but only one accepted my offer - everyone declined saying they'd be back in a couple of hours to pick up their kid (woo hoo - two more hours of free babysitting who wouldn't want that?).  

So for the next two hours I got to know one of my child's friend's mom (FM).  I had never met FM before, so we talked about our children, the school, the teachers, our neighbourhood, a little bit about our backgrounds & where we came from.  It was polite chit-chat & nothing too personal - which I'm all for - I want to know what kind of families my kid's friends come from. And for all those critical of this, just wait until you have teenagers!  

A couple of hours after all the kids went home FM shows up at my house on her way out to dinner.  Her child left her hair accessory at my place (which I already found & was going to have M2 bring to school).  What was odd about this was she brought her whole family...husband, both children, & her parents.   No, they didn't sit in the car & wave - they came right up to my front door.  She wanted to introduce them seeing that we live right around the block from one another.  So we exchanged polite pleasantries & then FM suggested that we do lunch one day.  'How about this week?  Which day works for you?'....A little blindsided yes, but I get it.  She lives with her elderly parents & so do I.  She did mention in our earlier conversation that we should have them meet.  And I did also mention that I am currently not working, so getting out of a lunch date would have been awkward.  So being the 'too' friendly person I am we made plans to do lunch that week.  Have lunch, then two more weeks of school, and won't have to see them for a couple of months, right?  So I thought...

We did have a very nice lunch and I did bring my in-laws as well.  Our families do have a lot in common.  And I am happy that we share some of the same principles & morals regarding how we raise our children.

A day later, FM texts me and ask which weekend in July will I be available as she'd like to have a BBQ & invite us.  Now I'm starting  to panic a little.  How do I get out of this? I tell her to go ahead & pick a day and don't worry about accommodating us - if I am free I would l love to come.  She replies back by giving me a choice of two dates & says "No rush just let me know which day works better for you".

I know I like this family.  I am happy M2 has found a good friend who lives nearby.  FM is probably thinking the same way, so why am I getting panicky & want to somehow get out of this BBQ?  Then I had an AH HA moment!  This relaionship/friendship is GOING TOO FAST for me!  I realized that although I am a 'friendly' person, it takes time for me to become 'friends' with someone.  And all this happened in a span of 4-5 days. As of now I still haven't replied to FM.  I guess I'll have to soon....

YC

Great Season - Great Songs

We recently finished another dance competition season.  We are on a short, much-needed hiatus, and this a chance for the Big Oh & I to relax & reflect about dancing.  During the actual competition season there's too much going on for any chance to slow down and really think about what all this dancing means to my daughters and us as a family.  I have written about all the benefits my daughters derive from dance and I could go on and on.  Big Oh (along with M2) have compiled a detailed "Results" spreadsheet which does  an excellent job summarizing this year's competition.  Overall, we had an a wonderful year & even though we are all happy with the break - our conversations do include what we will be doing in terms of dance for NEXT year!

Along with all these usual reflections & memories, I have also been thinking about some great songs that I'd love to see my daughters dance to...

Man In The Mirror - Michael Jackson
Beat It - Michael Jackson
I Hope You Dance - Leanne Womack
You Raise Me Up - Josh Grobin
Living On A Prayer - Bon Jovi
Imagine - John Lennon
Let It Be - Beatles
Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen / Jeff Buckley
Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel
What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
Wonderful Tonight, Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton
Circle Of Life - Elton John
Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Isreal Kamakawiwo'Ole Version
Lean On Me - Bill Withers
My Love Will Get You Home - Christine Glass
Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
I'll Be - Edwin McCain
Fallin - Alicia Keys
Anything by The Bee Gees
Heaven - Bryan Adams
I Will Take Care Of You - Amy Sky
That's Why You Go Away - Michael Learns To Rock
Miss You Finally - Trademark
Listen To Your Heart - Roxette
It Must Have Been Love - Roxette
If You Leave Me Now - Chicago
Hard To Say I'm Sorry - Chicago
You're The Inspiration - Chicago
Anything by Air Supply
Glory Of Love - Peter Cetera
Eye Of The Tiger - Survivor
Careless Whispers - Wham
Faith - George Michael
I'll Be There For You  - Bon Jovi
Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith
Believe - Cher
Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion
Island In The Stream - Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers

Little Italy

Over the past week we went to many restaurants. One of my favorites was in Little Italy, called Sotto Voce Restaurant & Bar. We only had three dishes and an appetizer, bruschetta. For the main courses we had three bowls of pasta. My favorite was the Dal Mare which was egg fettuccini with lobster and fennel in a brandy cream sauce. Another pasta that we got was the Pomodora E Gambarini which was linguine with black tiger shrimp, chilies, roasted roma tomato and roasted garlic. Another pasta was the Polpentina which was spaghetti with sicilan meatballs and homemade tomato sauce. All of these pastas were $16 which is probably reasonable for such good pasta.

                                                                                M1

My Mistake

I made a mistake.  I made a parenting mistake.  I made a mommy mistake.

My oldest daughter M1 was invited to a sleepover party.  She is 10 years old and has never been to a sleepover.   To me 10 years old still seems too young to be sleeping over.  This daughter still likes me to 'set up her toothbrush'.  I still dry her hair.  I shop for her clothes.  Sometimes we'll sleep together just because we want to cuddle - and just because. So I said no - she was upset at first, but I explained my reasons.  I was not comfortable because I felt she was too young and had never been to a sleepover; neither she nor I had ever been to that friend's house before; I didn't go to my first sleepover until I was probably 15 or 16 years old. And yes, there were a bit of tears but she got over it quickly (or so I thought).  Anyways, the party was yesterday and when The Big Oh went to pick her up he said he hadn't even pull out of the driveway when the bawling started.  I knew as soon as she stepped in the door what was going on...and the crying didn't stop until she fell asleep.

And you know what?  Between all the crying and bawling she was still able to reason with me, to explain to me why she was so upset - and it made sense.  Everyone was so excited about sleeping over and she felt left out. They are good people. These are her dance friends - they are like 'family'.  I understand and agree with all these statements.  I remember being young and feeling left out - I don't even like to feel left out now! These families ARE good people.  I know first hand because when I needed help last year all these families let me know that we could count on them during dance rehearsals and competitions.  We are a  part of a special group of 'dance families'.  I'm so happy that my daughters have found another place where they can feel safe, and flourish and grow besides their own home.

The last thing M1 said to me was "Mommy, you have to let me grow up and be independent...you aren't going to be there to hold my hand forever. "  So true.  But I can't help it...but I will try.  I promise.

A Tale Of Two Restaurants

Our extended families recently had our Chinese New Year dinners at two local, very popular, restaurants.  We celebrated once with my father-in-law's side of the family, and once with my mother-in-law's.  Both dinners had approximately 40 people people attending.  And for both we ordered off their regular menu instead of opting for one of the restaurant's banquet set menus.  In my opinion there was clearly one restaurant more superior than the other in terms of service, food taste, and overall value.

We visited Grand Lake Chinese Restaurant on the weekend immediately following Chinese New Year.  The restaurant was packed and every inch of floor space was used to accommodate the Chinese New Year rush.  I felt the tables were extra 'squished' together making it quite uncomfortable.  The food obviously was prepared in advance and reheated as most of the dishes came out barely warmed.  Note that a lot of Chinese restaurants pare down their menus during Chinese New Year, offering only a select handful of their most 'popular' dishes so they can prepare  the food in advance and just reheat.  This is suppose to allow the restaurant to provide quicker service so they can turnaround the tables to do more business.  Even though they did this, our dinner still lasted over 2 hours!  There isn't much to say about the taste of the food - just average, however the portion sizes were small and, I felt, wasn't good value for what we were served.

On March 1st we visited Fancy Chinese Restaurant.  What a great difference it was from the previous weekend.  First of all, the restaurant gave our party of 40 a private area even though the restaurant was packed.  They have a great 'build your own set dinner' menu as well as their regular menu.  The portion sizes were larger than the previous week's and the taste so much better.   The cost of this dinner was over $100 more than the previous week's but I consider it a much better overall value when you factor everything from taste, portion size, service and comfort.

I definitely know which restaurant our family will be making our regular go-to one from now on.

Y.C.

Banking Service Fees

Tomorrow is the 2014 deadline for contributing to your RRSPs.  Not sure how many people still go to an actual branch to do their banking with a human teller but I still do for certain transactions.  Inevitably, at this time of year the teller will ask me if I have contributed to my RRSPs yet.  So I tell them, "I can't.  I need to save my money to pay for all the bank's service charges."

I heard that joke on the radio several years ago so I can't take credit for it.  But I like to use it every year during RRSP season, or whenever the bank tries to get me to invest in whatever new product they're offering.  You know, like those "high interest" accounts that pay you 1.3% if you keep $25,000 in the account.  Yeah, I just happen to have 25 grand lying around!

I know banks rely on service fees to make money because the spread between their lending and borrowing rates have decreased over the years.  But some of the charges are a bit ridiculous.  I'll let them have the mutual fund fees and fees for trading stocks because you could argue those are a more specialized service.  But I would like to focus on the more basic services like withdrawing cash and maintaining a savings account.  Many years ago, there would be no charge for either of these basic banking services.

Today, in some cases when you withdraw cash, you need to pay a service charge.  One case is when you withdraw from an ATM that does not belong to your bank and a second case is when you don't have a minimum balance in your account.  So sometimes you can get nailed twice on one withdrawal.  Talk to the bank and they'll tell you that the ATM charge is from the other bank. That's a load of crap!  The banks just got together and created this service charge in order to rip off customers then blame it on another bank.  CIBC gets service charges from RBC customers and RBC gets service charges from CIBC customers, etc.  I guess they are an oligopoly so they can screw the public and get away with it.

There are also certain types of accounts that charge you if you make more than a certain number of withdrawals a month.  Remember back in the old days when you filled out a deposit slip at the bank to deposit a check.  On that slip you could fill in the line called "less cash received" to take out some spending money.  The net amount would be deposited in your account.  For example, if you had a check for $300, you could get $200 cash and the bank would record a $100 deposit to your account.  Today, they make you deposit the $300, then withdraw the $200. This way they can charge you for the withdrawal!

So any time I have a chance to talk about service charges with bank employees I will tell them how I feel.  I know, the teller has no say in this and it doesn't really bother them.  So I usually just leave it as a joke.  But if a manager talks to me I will bring up the fact that CIBC (my bank) made a $4 billion profit before tax in 2013.  $800 million of that came from service charges.  Surely they can give their customers a break from their ludicrous service fees!

Big Oh