Honestly Me

I haven't been completely honest.  I haven't lied.  But I've been holding back.

There are many things I worry about daily.  In order to keep my sanity I have learned to push these worrisome thoughts aside and concentrate on the present.  There are many days that writing will help put everything in perspective and help me re-focus on the present.  Reminding me of what is important now.  What is happening now. 

When I say I haven't been completely honest I mean that a lot of what I write doesn't make it to this blog.  It is written and saved but never "published" because I'm not ready to "put it all out there".  Knowing that there are those very dear and close to me reading this, I am selective on what I share. 

But there are people out there who do share their innermost fears and feelings.  They are real.  They are raw and they are very very brave.  I recently started following a blog of a woman who shares her experiences (www.tanismiller.com).  She is a mother who unexpectedly gave birth to a special needs child.  She also unexpectedly loss that child, and is currently an adopted mother of another special needs child.  She writes beautifully and honestly.  I wish I was able to be as uninhibited in my writing as she is.  Reading her blog makes me feel stronger.  It makes me feel that with so many stories out there of faith, love, hope and just SURVIVING - that perhaps my story can be that too. 

Maybe by writing & posting this today I am getting closer to being the true honest person I hope to be.

Y.C.